Gaga For Lulu

I know some of you have made this type of list before, I just have to flippin’ vent, so here it goes……

1. Wake up to The Babe playing in my nose holes, yes I know they are called nostrils.

2. Go get The Big Guy up, he fell asleep on the couch after letting the dogs out at 4 A.M..

3. Wash face, brush teeth, pull hair up and get dressed, shower comes later after elliptical.

4. Get The Babe dressed.

5. Make two of the four beds.

6. Fold laundry that was in the dryer, damn is it wrinkly, maybe The big Guy does have a somewhat valid complaint.

7. Load washer and run it through.

8. Get The Boss and M3 up, get them dressed.

9. Make the remaining two beds, complete with a sheet change on one, did someone pee in here? Change it just in case!

10. Do The tribe’s hair, get their teeth brushed.

11. Switch clothes from washer to dryer. Isn’t it glamorous?

12. Go down and make lunches.

13. Get breakfast on table, well hardly breakfast, left over munchkins and yogurt. Oh well.

14. Clean up dog shat! Life is beautiful.

15. The clan is arriving, aka my nephews.

16. Unload the dishwasher.

17. TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

18. Finish feeding all five kids.

19. Load the dishes up.

20. Fix a clogged toilet, thanks to The Boss. How much toilet paper does one child need?

21. To be honest, yell a little. Why is running and jumping off the end of the couch a good idea?

22. Fix a coat hook in the mudroom, once again thanks to the impatience of The Boss.

23. Call in prescriptions needed.

24. Feed the dogs. They are the shitinist group of dogs I have ever met. I know, not really a word.

25. Pack up car for morning errands.

26. Clean up pee in living room, no, not The babe’s. This was thanks to the little mongrel, Dexi.

27. Gather library books.

28. Walk The Boss to the bus top.

29. Hunt to find M3 something for show and tell. I think we have showed everything over the last two years, including one of mommy’s nighties, sans my knowledge!

30. Complete a test in The Nursing Spectrum for 1.5 CE credits.

31. Beg the remaining four to put their shoes and jackets on, why can I still find no socks. Damn it!!!

32. Get them loaded up in the caravanarama.

33. Get myself a diet coke, my guilty pleasure in the A.M., if this keeps up it could become a fifth. Just kiddin’, I think. LOL.

Eight A.M. And we’re off! Well, I guess I feel better now. Thanks for listening to my ding dang list.

By the way, due to popularity, I am going to try to use the term “wet fart” more often. Hahahaha.

An update on The Babe’s pee pee problems:

One pee pee accident in the middle of the foyer.

One pee pee accident standing in front of the toilet.

One “wet fart” while watching Wonder Pets in the family room.

It is ten A.M.

She is now wearing a pull-up. Damn skippy.

Please, I beg you, do not judge me!!! I am coming out. I have someone come in and clean my house once a month. I just can’t keep up with it all. It is just too flippin’ much. The Big Guy decided that we should go ahead with this service a few months ago. He witnessed one too many breakdowns. Is a dirty floor really worth tears?

Two weeks ago my cleaner asked if they could come more often. Well, if the price is going to stay the same, why the hell not. However real life means that the cost would double. I am the one paying for this service, right? She aggressively told me and The Big Guy that our house was soooo dirty. There is too much dog hair, we do have three mongrels. Then she followed it up with saying The Tribe’s bathroom was like uncharted territory, you never know what to expect. How damn rude! Again, I will say it, I am the one paying for this service, right?

I am a bit OCD and I know my house is not the most horrible one on the block. Although, she said our house was the one she dreaded coming to. Yeah, we finally beat those damn neighbors at something! I will have to high five The Big Guy later. I didn’t say a whole lot back to her, she is a little over the top. Of course, upset that the house cleaner no longer liked me, I decided that I would be a better housekeeper and spot clean more often. Anything to make the bitchy ass lady that gets paid by me to do her job happy.

Now, after coming to my senses, I have decided screw her. Yeah, I said it. And it kind of felt good. I will not be bullied by my house cleaner anymore. I will not give her anymore money than I already do and I will look at my filthy house with pride. Damn it, it’s mine! If she doesn’t like it, I will have The Big Guy take her call and hide in the other room. LOL!!!!

Ok, I am trying to stay calm. I think The Babe has totally regressed on the potty situation. Well, not totally, but enough for me to grow concerned. How many accidents can we possibly have in three days? Better yet, how many accidents can we have till mommy gets a clue and uses the pull ups? I don’t have a good answer to either.

The Babe: I gotsta go poopee!( waddling down the hall)

Mommy( hoping against all odds that she means still has to go): Ok, come on, you can use mommy’s potty.

The Babe: No mommee, I go poopee in my pants, I’ze a big girl baby.( smiling so cutely)

Mommy( come on damnit’, why, and I don’t even have wipes): Big girls poop on the potty. Why did you go in your pants?

The Babe: I no goes poopee on potty, I goes poopee in my pants. Love you mommee!( holding hands out for a hug)

So this is the third poopy accident in three days. The Babe has also had about four or five ding dang tinkle breaks courtesy of my hardwood floors over the last few days as well. Could she be sick? Sure. Could she be asserting herself? Well, she is my daughter! Could I be over reacting? Hell yes, she is just two and a half, but I really thought we had this licked. It has been a couple of months!

Is it too early for a drink?

Courtesy of Hsien-Hsien Lei’s blog Cotten-Pickin’ Days and blaugh.com…

Sunday morning. Eight A.M.

Waiting for the snow to start.

The Big Guy is snoring.

I take The Tribe to my parents for breakfast.

Sunday afternoon. One thirty P.M.

The snow has started.

The Big Guy and mommy sitting in family room.

Cable television cutting in and out.

The Tribe playing in living room.

The Big Guy: I am going to take them down the basement with me.

Mommy: Why? They are playing nicely in the other room.

The Big Guy( feeling guilty about having the whole morning to himself ): Don’t you want to write on the computer?

Mommy: Yes.

The Big Guy: Well, I WANT to play video games. The cable is annoying me!

Mommy( annoyed but attempting to be pleasant, there is a lot of Sunday left yet ): Sometimes we don’t always get to do what we WANT.

The Big Guy: Just call me if The Tribe needs anything, I AM going downstairs.

One thirty five P.M. ( yeah, that’s right, just five minutes later).

The babe has taken a bathroom break standing in the foyer.

The Boss is yelling that her sister’s ruined her “mothers day gift”. (Who the hell knows what she was talking about)

M3 is screaming, “I need more toilet paper, NOW”.

The Big Guy is playing away downstairs oblivious to the happenings above.

Oh hell no!

I can feel myself ready to blow.

Mommy: “Get your flippin’ game playing, big boy butt up here!”

Ten minutes later.

All is well.

The Tribe is downstairs with The Big Guy.

Mommy is writing on the computer happy as can be!!!

By the way, The Big Guy and Mommy usually split the fights evenly. I really can’t say to many bad things about him, he is a damn good daddy to The Tribe, and a ding dang fun lovin’ hubby!

Last summer my mother in law made cloth “paper dolls” in carrying cases for each member of The Tribe. Every doll had a few separate pieces of clothing and accessories with them. They were great! She even made a boy model and sent it to my nephew out west. The kids played with them without the worry of ripping or tearing the new dollies. As you can all deduce, nothing is truly safe in my house. Not even the three, living, breathing dogs! Just ask The Babe.

I have been searching for this type of product online. I think that it would make an original gift. It is something that can be given without the thought of duplicating a toy. Well, thanks to a fellow blogger, I think I have found the answer. Melissa’s site Little Wool Gatherings has the cutest selection of felt dolls and appliques. She even offers the templates for all her products. So cool! My favorite is the felt jungle animals. I love the colors. What kid doesn’t want to make a lion roar?

If anyone had spare time, which I know is few and far between, it would be cool to have a group of mommies over and make some of the dolls and animals using the templates. Hell, you could throw a couple of bottles of wine in and have yourselves a good ol’ time. LOL!

Purchased: A twelve pack of new socks.

Date: Exactly two weeks ago.

Missing: Seven socks.

Wanted: The damn dryer!

What in the flippin’ world happens to socks once they enter the clothes dryer? Seriously speaking, where do they go?

Every single ding dang load of laundry I do, there is at least one sock MIA. Should I check under the dryer, inside that big ol’ gray coiled vent thingie?

The Big Guy is convinced that I personally misplace his socks. Like I get some kind of enjoyment in watching him tear every single sock he owns out of the dresser at six thirty in the morning, five days a week.

“We just bought new socks, what the hell happened to them. This is rigoddamndiculous!” By the way, that is my patented word.

“I have no flippin’ idea what the hell YOU did with YOUR socks. Why don’t you do the laundry for now on. I am not your maid!!!”

Solution: Back to Target.

Time Spent on damn socks: About a grand total of two hundred minutes per week.

Holy crap! My life is so exciting. LOL!!!!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, “Bartender, got any specials
today?” Bartender answers, “Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink,
invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon
Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.” The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”
The bartender replied, “It’s a “Pabst Smir.”

Thursday, oh beautiful Thursday. The one day a week I have to myself. I step into my other life.

Nursing.

I love going to work. I enjoy my job. Snot, poop, complaints and even the crazies. I know what you are thinking. “You only work one day a flippin’ week.” Gimme a break, I do raise The tribe the rest of the week. That counts, right?

Today was a good day. Lets see, The Chief served as the leader. We had Dutchie, The Ghost Whisperer, RN Quinn the Medicine Women and Greg Focker on the front line. There was Giggle Pants, Jenny Jones, My Sharona and The Fashionista covering our backs. And as always, The Bumble giving orders. (I hope all my fellow staff have a good time figuring out who you are)

There was minimal vomit. As always, shit, shit and more shit. And one toilet that blew up.

Of course, I took care of one patient that spoke Spanish. I channeled all my Dora the Explorer powers. Come on vamanos, you know that we can do it, so come on lets get to it. Oh, charades for twelve hours can bug the hell out of you. To be brutally honest you can get the shits of anything after twelve hours.

No gross stuff to report.

I just want to remind all of you not to be the demanding, call bell dinging, in your damn face, I want the name of your stupid ass manager type of family member. You see, The more patient you are with us RN’s, the more pleasant your stay will be. I can guarantee it.

Can’t we all just get along?

And let me tell you another hint, please and thank you goes a long way. It is like when these people enter the doors of the hospital they lose any manners their mommies taught them. I want to tell them that even The Babe knows the importance of politeness.

And she eats her own boogies!