Gaga For Lulu

Why do people feel the need to put their two cents in when it is so not needed?  I am so sick of hearing the ignorant public’s flippin’ comments.  I would love to have a witty rebuttal but I can never think fast enough above all the noise.

As you know, my tribe consists of three girls.  My sister’s clan is two boys.  I watch them two or three times a week.  This means we become The Pack.  One, two, three, four and six years old.

Wherever we go during the day people feel the need to stare, whisper and ask annoying ass questions.  And I only have four of them during the day.  “How old are you?”  “Are they all yours?”  “My goodness you have your hands full.”  No shit!

Today was no different.  ENT appointment.  The Pack and mommy in a waiting room the size of my closet.  Several old fogies gave me the typical lines.  A few of them did say some sweet words.  I think they could sense my rage!

Then there was the receptionist.

“Well, I can see you brought the whole gang.”  Yup, how observant.  I am watching her talk about me and the kids to the other office lady.  She is making faces and laughing on my behalf.  Ok, now I am ready to break bad.  That is until she asked me to move the kids to one side of the office and pick up the books we had dropped.  Like I wouldn’t have cleaned up before we left that area.

“Did you have your referral put in.”  I start to answer and she says, “I can’t hear you over the kids, could you please come up here.”  I can feel the tears in my eyes.  I am not a crier.  I am a bit of a hard ass.  Don’t you let her see you cry!

We are moved to the room now.  By the way, the pack was very well behaved.  I mean for shits sake they are one, two, three and four.  The doctor does his thing and we are sent back out to the mean, mean lady.  I want to say, “I am sorry you are so miserable to be at work.  It is not my fault this is your ding dang job.  Customer service is very important.”  But I don’t.  I nicely ask to make the next appointment.  Oh yes, please let me come back for more abuse.

I got The Pack back into the caravanarama and started home.  Then I really start crying.   How dare she insinuate that I can’t have four kids or that The pack was badly behaved.  These are my little snot nosed boogy heads and I am the only one that can make snide comments about them.

I am so pissed that I never have a sharp response and care what others think.  That damn women really ruined my day!

The Big Guy and mommy are asleep in bed.

The Boss has climbed in between us and states she is sleeping there, bad dream.

Mommy moves to The Boss’s bed. Sick of hanging on the edge.

M3 is now standing in the hallway crying that it is dark. Isn’t the hallway light, bathroom light and night light on? Come on!

M3 and mommy are asleep in The Boss’s bed while The Big Guy and The Boss are asleep in our bed.

The Babe is calling for mommy. Mommy is now laying with The Babe in her bed, a twin mattress.

Mommy moves to M3’s bed. Sleep please.

Nope, M3 has summoned mommy back to The Boss’s bed. Why is it so dark? I thought I answered that an hour ago!

What the hell? By the way, The Big Guy snored through most of the activity. Is it almost morning? Let this bull crap be over soon!

It is morning. Mommy is fixing The Boss’s hair. “Mommy, why do you have black lines under your eyes”?

Hahahaha! Oh the joys.

It is 8:50 PM and my only thought is where is my bed. I am pitiful.

What the hell have I turned into? Why do I have the energy of a slug?

I so want to have some “together” time with The Big Guy. But sleep is so much more important. That can wait.

I swear I have turned into a flippin’ old lady.

Oh well. So is life!

I am told it will get easier. I will believe it when I see it.

The Babe is now 2 and a half years old. She decided three months ago that she was a “baby big girl” and does not need to nap in the afternoon. I beg to differ.

The problem is that she is fine till about five in the evening and then all hell breaks loose. You know, the time when I am making dinner, doing homework with The Boss and listening to The Big Guy discuss the world turning events that unfolded during his day. Like that conversation can’t wait till later in the night!

The Babe falls to the ground directly under my feet, kicking and screaming till I pick her up and give her my undivided attention. If I put her down, she is asleep. Oh hell no!! I know she doesn’t think she is taking a little nappie poo at five fifteen.

When I force her to take a nap during the day then my night is shot. It will be ten o’clock before I get her to sleep which means no time for mommy. When she doesn’t lay down my evening is a living nightmare.

Oh, what to do? Which is the lesser of two evils?

Ok people, my BFF has gotten engaged. I haven’t used that term since I was 13. Now, this isn’t earth shattering blog like material that many choose to write about, but I will let you in on the beauty of it. I have known my BFF for 30 years now, that is right, 30 years. How many people can say that?

I love her like one of my sisters. She has been with The Sarge for 9 years or so. She has followed him to 3 different states, waited for him to return from Djibouti and put her life in a holding pattern more than once. We have been wishing for many of years for him to have his eureka moment. You know, the second where he decides that he can’t be without her. As a side note, my BFF is one of the kindest, caring, empathetic people in the world. She is also a fellow nurse that works in geriatrics and you have to have a good heart to do that!

Well thank the lord! I got the call this morning that the Sarge and her had bought the ring. My response was less than perfect. What the shit is wrong with me. I was at a loss for words which NEVER happens. I giggled and stuttered while I searched for words. I regret the reaction. If I had the moment back I would say; I am so happy that you are happy, you deserve the best and I know the Sarge will treat you well, I can’t wait for your wedding day.

Through all of their years together there have been many of doubts and opinions about their relationship. I have to give my BFF props in that she listened to them all quietly and stayed true to her heart. I am happy beyond words for her. She deserves all the best in the world!!!!!

Deviating from the sarcasm of my last few posts, I want to let you all know about some great books. As you know, I have three girls. The oldest is reading and the middle one is just starting with sight words. We have been buying Step Into Reading-Reading With Help books for the last year or so. They are published by Random House and have a website at www.stepintoreading.com. The have hundreds of books that are categorized into 5 steps. My girls are reading the stage 1 and 2 books right now, which are “ready to read” and “reading with help” for preschool through first grade. They progress to step 5, “ready for chapters”, which is suggested for grades 2-4. I love how the books assist the children in reading success. They build confidence and establish the joy of reading in kids.

The Boss is currently reading The Statue of Liberty (Step-Into-Reading, Step 2). I think this is wonderful, since it teaches her about history at the same time as teaching her to read. A lot of these books are about history, instead of cartoons or dolls. Oh, yeah, Marsha Marsha Marsha is reading Barbie: School Days (Step into Reading). Baby steps people, baby steps.

So we just got back from a four hour long shopping trip with the kids. How fun, right? The Tribe actually wasn’t that bad. The Big Guy was very well behaved and was much calmer than me. I am having an anxiety ridden day. Who knows why. You’ve got to love living with anxiety.

We went to a couple of stores to look for spring clothes for The Tribe. The Big Guy managed to look for himself and I was in charge of keeping the girls in check. Great. We decided to eat lunch at Ruby Tuesdays, we are so sick of happy meals.
We were seated in a booth to better contain The Tribe. The Babe, M3 and I visited the bathroom two times before the appetizers even hit the table. The Boss was unusually well behaved and polite.

A couple was seated next to us and this is were the annoyance came in. Now, I should prefice this with the fact that The Big Guy and I were very good friends before we even dated. We have been together for 12 years and know each other very well. I am a very real person, what you see is what you get. The Big guy loves this about me. As I look to my left, I see a man and women holding hands across the table and gazing in each others eyes. How flippin’ cute. Whatever, The Big Guy and I have not had a date in 3 months. Yes, thats right, I am sore about it!

This couple is conversating, loudly, about such on the surface bullshit that I want to puke right there. The crap they were talking about reminded me of the match.com commercials. My first thought was that they must be on a first date. That was before I heard them mention their daughter. You have to be kidding me, these two asses were married! The Big Guy made eye contact with me and I could tell he was feeling the same way. Anyway, this couple proceeds to pull each other closer and closer across the table as they rub each others arms and hands. I was so damn annoyed at this point.

I guess I should feel lucky that The Big Guy and I are so comfortable with each other that there is no crap among us. Maybe it is that I was just jealous that this couple was out by themselves and we were sitting there with our tribe. By the way, we made a total of four trips to the bathroom and lost 6 crayons over an hour lunch. I think there was also about 25 reminders for the girls to lower their voices.

Am I the only one that gets annoyed, or should I say jealous, at this crap?

Got this in my email the other day, and though I would share. All of you fellow nurses will know how true this is…

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took
her two weeks to realize she wasn’t at work!

You know you’re a nurse if… you would like to meet the inventor of the
call light some night in a dark alley.

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.

You’ve been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at
another table “sick”.

You’ve told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and
to holler if they need help.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago’s water tank.

You find yourself checking out other customer’s veins in grocery
waiting lines.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that the y will
drop near you and you’ll have to do CPR on your day off.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.

If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is, it’s
just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental
status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick
sense of humor, fairly normally and very responsibly. Scary, huh?????

KNOW A NURSE????…..PASS IT ON

Remember the days of looking forward to Friday night? Ha, where have they gone? Now Friday nights consist of, “Will you please go to bed, if you do, I will get Munchkins in the morning”. Followed by, “Mom, its not a school night, can’t we watch more TV”? I wish they were still young enough to bribe. With The boss being 6 and Marsha, Marsha, Marsha being 4.5, we are past that. Then there is The Babe, 2.5, who always pushes the limit. It’s like she knows that mommy and daddy are looking forward to some “together” time. Usually, I end up staring at the clock at about 11:00, while listening to The Big Guy snore thinking, “Are you kidding, is this what life has become”?

Wake up, it’s Saturday morning. Does the clock really say 6:45? You have to be kidding me. The Babe has already taken off all her pj’s and her pull up, and is running around buck naked by 7:00. She has brought me the Balmex tube and is requesting it to be smeared on her baby doll’s ghina. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and The Boss are screaming for breakfast. The big guy and me are still laying in bed yelling at them to watch cartoons in their rooms. We do this every Saturday morning. It’s like we don’t remember the weekend before!

By lunchtime the Big Guy is done with the bullsh** of the day and I am ready for him to go back to work. I like the convenience of him being home, but he just doesn’t get our routine. You would think after 6 years of this it would get better, but not so much. Saturday afternoon follows suit. By evening, we are still looking for that “together” time. Then there is the thought of showering. It is the weekend, but I guess The Big Guy deserves some clean loving too.

Sunday morning is here. We should really take them to Sunday School, but that would mean showers and getting dressed before 8:00. They do say their prayers before dinner and bedtime, that is good enough, right? Sundays are the worst for the tribe. It is like their brains turn off and they have gone deaf. Typical conversation, “But mom, you never said not to jump from the chair to the couch”, yes i did, “You said not to jump on the couch”. What in the shit is wrong with them. Did I really spawn them? Dinner is put on the table, and The Babe is still naked, did we not get her dressed today? The Boss gives her critique of the food, it is gross. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha makes that face she does, and The Big Guy is already yelling that everyone is going to eat mommy’s dinner or no anything tonight. I think at that point he runs out of threats. Sunday is almost over!!!

How many days till next weekend?

I would just like to say that the XBOX 360 has been the best purchase we have made recently. The big guy and I fought about this “toy”, as I like to call it, for a month or so before he just went out and bought it. He tried everything from, it is for the tribe, to this is the one thing I have left. Please, what the shit do I have?

Anyway, I could not have been more wrong. That is right big guy. I know you are reading this. I was wrong! This little “toy” has freed up countless hours for me. The big guy takes the tribe downstairs and plays for hours with them. I still get The Boss and M3 (Marsha, Marsha, Marsha) running upstairs occasionally to tell on The Big Guy for not sharing, but I quickly resolve that. Even The Babe runs around downstairs, naked of course, with a controller thinking she is playing.

Thank the lord The Big Guy doesn’t always listen to me!