Do Poop Doctors Make House Calls?
Published Date: March 22nd, 2007Category: Gaga For Lulu, Family Life, The Big Guy
Why is The Big Guy so damn difficult at times? All I want is some cooperation, but no, he has to push the envelope and irritate the flippin’ shiznit out of me. I wonder where M3 gets it from? Men are just a different breed sometimes. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death, but come the hell on!
Why does an AM crap take 40 minutes? Mind you, that is with the shower running the whole time, and laptop in tow, so I have no hot water and have to Lysol the keyboard. Yeah thats right, he is gross. And why is his only morning responsibility to shit, shower and shave? Honestly!
This leads me to his lunch time escapades, which are about 90 minutes long at whatever restaurant he wants, all by himself, in total silence. Hell, he can even take a pee afterwards if he wants. And then I get a whiny ass phone call or email, or even twitter message, yes he is now twittering me, that he has to attend a 3 hour meeting. Boo hoo!!!
I would love to say, “I really don’t give a flying wet poo”, but I play along and say my I love you with as minimal complaining as possible. We have to keep The Big Guy happy. If he is happy, we are happy!
5 PM and I am at my wits end, the kids have usually taken control of the house and I am looking out the front door for that maroon ass Saab to come around the corner. Now, why have I not learned my lesson? He comes in, I get exited to see him, and I get “I will be right down, I’m gonna go to the bathroom”. “Oh, I ‘m sorry, I guess your 2 shits and hours of silence wasn’t enough for you, jackass?” I know that is not totally fair, he makes the bulk of our income, but damn it, I want a turn in the bathroom without a critique of my pubs, hysterectomy scar or smelly doo.
Dinner is served. I hear, “I had a big lunch, I’m not that hungry.” I am seeing red by now. Why do I even make dinner? Next week they are all getting ding dang hot dogs and macaroni.
I can’t complain too much about dishes or bathtime because he does help with that. I would assume that is why after bathtime he heads back to the bathroom and gets on the computer oblivious to night time routine and The Tribe’s fury running around the bedrooms. Is he hearing impaired? Or just stupid? And what the hell is wrong with his flippin’ ass? How many poops can one man take?
Get the hell up and help! “I am not your Mommy, if you want that go live on Roger’s Street. I don’t want to have to tell you, just do it.” Lost cause, but I still repeat it at least 4 times a week.
Now I feel kinda bad shittin’ all over My Big Guy as I look at him laying next to me in bed, all cute flipping in between NCAA b-ball and figure skating, hee hee. His hair is all cut and he shaved a new goatee, smells kinda good, well sorta good. Oh boy, I can feel my anger receding and my stupid self is getting all lovey dovey. Yeah, it’s on, chicka chicka bow bow, LOL!!!!
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 22nd, 2007 at 9:00 pm and is filed under Gaga For Lulu, Family Life, The Big Guy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
4 Responses to “Do Poop Doctors Make House Calls?”
Are we living the same life, or WHAT??!! My husband is notorious for announcing he has to poo as we are literally walking out the door to go somewhere. So there we all sit, buckled up in the van, waiting for him to finish. And when he does come out, I can bet you he didn’t wash his hands.
I hear ya on the morning routine. Drinking coffee is my husband’s main priority in the morning.
LMAO.
Yup. We have the same husband. And what is it about poop in so many blogs lately! Can’t escape the shit, I guess.
I can relate to your post, on so many levels. My hubby supports us very well, and I appreciate that, but I would love some help with house and kids. I do all the bedtime stuff, the cleaning stuff.
Good thing he is cute. I agree that when he is happy, we are all happy. But my hubby says, “HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE!” And I remind him of this every chance i get!!!! xoxo
it is official, all men have shitting problems! and they are oblivious for the most part….if they weren’t so cute it would be easier to get all fired up, but then they go smellin’ all good and say something cute, and the anger is out the window. damn them, let us revel in our disgust!!!
What is it with the male system? Is it so different from ours? Why do they have to poop so much more often and so much longer than we do? I’m sure at least sometimes it’s an avoidance mechanism. My husband has said on more than one occasion, when I ask him to do something with our son, “I was just about to go to the bathroom.” And, while I just take my son in the bathroom with me, that is unthinkable to my husband. Grrrrr….