Gaga For Lulu

Oh yeah, Saturday morning in good ol’ Baltimore City! The Big Guy, my sis and I tried to take The Pack to free admission day at the Baltimore Zoo. Well, to make a long story short, after close to two hours in the car we hadn’t even made it off of I-83. Apparently every other parent in the surrounding areas also had the same idea. The Big Guy made an executive decision to keep on going into the city and make a day at the National Aquarium in Baltimore. It was fun. Most importantly, The Babe found Nemo. By the way, The Big Guy was in an awesome mood. I guess that wellbutrin really does work after all!

We hit every bathroom that that the Aquarium had. That’s right, all of them. We took 5 bathroom breaks in 3 and a half hours. And what’s the deal with all the adults there without kids pushing to the front of the glass? I understand we are very fortunate to have so many cool places within driving distance, but you’re twice the height of the kids trying to see the damn fish. Reach your big-ass arm up above their heads and take you digital camera pic. Or at least wait until they get out of the way after getting a good view. The Pack was very patient in waiting, at least we appear to be doing something right.

This would be what my laundry area looked like this morning. The Big Guy just pulls everything out of the dryer to get what he wants. Oh boy, to be a man. Let’s see, he is responsible for taking a crap, getting a shower, hmmm, and that is about it on the weekends. Holy hell is that tough. Don’t worry, he will help me fold it later, I’m not his mommy! Also, we did fire the cleaning lady. I am back on the cleaning wagon. Yeah. The Big Guy did promise to help. I will keep you posted on that one. LOL.

Yes, that is a piece of poop courtesy of the youngest mongrel, Dexi. How would you like to wake up to that almost every morning? Why doesn’t he get it? Is his brain broken? Is he defiant? Or is he just plain dumb? Yup, that one, his brain is the size of a walnut. We would get rid of him but he does make us some money. We stud him, and might I add he is darn good at it. The Big Guy says it is from observing what happens in our bedroom. Ok, that would explain why he was “latched” on quicker than any other dog I have ever seen.

There he is, oh what a freakin’ beauty! You never know, he might just go to “the farm” one day.

This is where Sunday morning got good. Damn right. That is The Babe’s bedroom. I made the mistake of laying in bed for an hour this morning. I was up all night with her. By the way, The Big Guy was on the computer, “taking care” of the kids. Whatever! Does this look like adult supervision?

As I continued down the hallway, I came upon The Tribe. Yes, that is a beanbag on top of the bed. Safety first. We will definitely get parents of the year. At least they are clothed, even though they are in dress ups. The Tribe are going to be nudists. I am so sick of seeing heiney cracks and, as they say, “ghinas”, I could scream. Do they know it is still winter? Who cares? I guess they are free spirits. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh?

That damn pile of clothes has been moved, refolded and moved back three times now. I should get a clue and put them away, but that would take effort. Why am I so lazy sometimes? I need to call one of my close friends for a reality check. I need to hear that it is ok to sit down for more than ten minutes and to enjoy the cotton pickin’ day. Phone call to Weezy is now on the list for this morning! Maybe I should go take my wellbutrin. If only there was a magic pill that worked like that, it would be sold out.

The Big Guy nabbed some goodies for this morning. I gave him the choice of cleaning up the mess The Tribe had made or going to Wawa. Guess which he chose? Hey, I am thankful for the cup of joe and sugary, non diabetic, donuts that I shoved in my face. The kitchen island has never looked so appetizing. OMG were the treats so good!

So, I should probably add to my list, take a shower. Why you say. Mommy doesn’t like the greasy, make-up smeared, funky teeth, non bra wearing self that is her in the morning. Yeah, I’m pretty gross. I am such a tomboy, always will be I guess. I am reading one of my guilty pleasures, people magazine. What would life be without the little things? Time to get my big ol’ butt up and do something productive, maybe even wash my face. If I want any chance of getting lovin’ tonight, I need to at least put deodorant on. The Big Guy doesn’t ask for much! LOL.

Today pretty much sucked. I think it is because I am extremely flippin’ tired. Do you ever get to the point where you feel like curling up into a ball in the middle of the floor? Well, that is where I am right now. The Tribe’s every word is making me want to scream shut up. Not very motherly, huh? Especially following my last post.

Lets see, I have about two inches of damn water all over the bathroom. The Babe just doesn’t get the concept of water inside the tub. “Look mommy, I washing the wall. Let me wash you arm.” Hell no! M3 and The Boss are jumping on the bed repeatedly and putting make-up on. Yeah, they just had a bath. Mommy,”Are you guys jumping on the bed?” The Tribe, “No mommy, we are just playin’.” Little liars, I am watching them down the hall jump away. You know what? I don’t have the energy to care right now. If there is blood, I will spring into action.

I have two loads of laundry sitting there folded and ready to be put away. The water is still sitting there on the floor. I have to go to the bathroom and we don’t have any toilet paper. To top it all off the Big Guy is displaying his usual lay and watch tv while he screams threats and commands at The Tribe. The sound of his voice makes me want to go through the ceiling. Holy shit, I think I need a drink, or some xanax, and I don’t have either. LOL.

I know one thing for certain, tomorrow can’t possibly be as bad as today. Well, two things, The Big Guy aint getting any lovin’ tonight either. So help me, if he snores tonight, I might put a hurtin’ on him!

Oh joy, The Babe is screaming in my face again.

OMG, I worked in Poopy Paradise yesterday, aka, the hospital. Ok day over all. I did have a demented crazy that decided to dig in his own crap. Try getting that out from under nails. On top of it, he called me “the devil women” and kicked at us most of the day. He was a real gem!

Thank the sweet lord I worked with a great group of back up singers. The Fashionsta, Reds, Va-va-va-Val, were all in top form. Keepin’ it real is always important when you are playing with the patients for twelve hours.

Well, I did have one patient that made me stop dead in my tracks. Thirty seven years old, no kids, no wife, very nice dying man. OMG, why? Bone cancer, all over his body.

As you all are going through your day wiping asses and snotty noses and listening to screamimg demands from the little ones, just keep this in mind. Oh hell, why do I have to reflect? I know, but sometimes it just hits home.

At breakfast, The Boss and M3 were fighting over chairs. The Babe carried around deli ham insisting everyone wanted to eat some and The Clan were fired up. I thought about losing my crackers, but somehow held back. How did I do it? I started thinking about that big, muscular handsome patient that will never get to experience this very insanity! This is just too ding dang flippin’ real.

The Tribe will be so sick of mommy by dinner time. I am going to hug the shit out of them today!!

The 5 Minutes For Mom guys are hosting a blog party. Please head over and check out all the other mommy blogs that have linked in and are hosting as well!

If you have a mommy blog and have not signed up, you have until March 8th to do so. Did I mention they have prizes? And Paxil is one of them! Well, just kidding about the Paxil.

It doesn’t get much hotter….

Mommy: Do you wanna do it?

The Big Guy: I dunno, do you?

Mommy: Yeah, can I keep my shirt on?

The Big Guy: Uh huh, if I can keep my socks on.

Mommy: ( Yawn) You gonna shut the doors?

The Big Guy: No, it’s your turn.

Mommy: I’m kinda tired….

The Big Guy: Yeah( yawn), you wanna snuggle?

Mommy: Ehh, I’m comfy.

The Big Guy: Night, luv ya.

Mommy: Luv ya too.

What the hell? The clock said nine thirty.