The Babe, M3 and I had another lunch date with The Big Guy today at the ever so exclusive fine dining picnic area of Costco. We try to take the 2 of them out once a month, since they are stuck at home with me all day long. Its no prison sentence, but no walk in the park! LOL.

Getting back to our loverly dining experience. If any of you belong to Costco you already know what I am talking about but for those that don’t I will try to paint the picture for you. When you walk in the store you are right in the middle of jewelry, electronics and random specials.

Well, they always have an exclusive vendor off to the side selling whatever his or her dumb ass product is. I say dumb ass because it is always something that you could get anywhere else for a hell of a lot cheaper but they sell the shit out of it because morons don’t do the math. If it is Costco, it has to be cheaper, right? Whatever.

The vendor today was a young mid twenty something year old with perfectly coiffed hair and meticulous makeup that was dressed to a tee. I mean the pleats in her very sauve’ pants were so straight and deliberate and her silky embroidered long jacket top was shimmery and fit like a second body. She was selling overpriced beaded jewelry. Yeah, annoying as shit!!

Anywho, the bathroom trip. Of course, you knew this was going in that direction because as I have written before, Costco is a fave potty spot. We have to visit it at least once. They have the softest toilet paper this side of the Mason Dixon line.

We walked in the bathroom and headed right for the big stall. You know, handicap, which is totally wrong because my only handicap is my mental state, but we can fit all our asses in that stall. Next to us is a women who is totally unloading. I mean shit must be spraying in every direction. The smell that was emanating under the stall was like a wave of some paralyzing chemical agent.

My girls are laughing at this point and asking ever so quietly, “why does it smell so bad” and “she is making a lot of noises, she is farrrting very loud”. “Sshhhhh”, I say, while laughing my big ol’ pale ass off. When it was my turn on the potty to tinkle, I dropped the roll of paper, well actually the toilet paper thingie fell open and hit my head while the huge paper roll hit the very dirty ground.

I bent over to pick it up and caught a glimpse of the shoes that belonged to Ms. Smelly, noisy, shitty girl next to us. OMG, it was totally Ms. Prim and proper, my shit doesn’t stink, haha, dressed in the finest clothes available women that was selling the overpriced u-g-l-y jewelry.

Hahahaha,heeheeheeeheeeee!!! She tried to do the ol’ wait it out trick. You know what I am talking about. The wait till the other people that just heard you drop the huge turd leaves and then come out of the stall. Guess what? I waited her out. That’s right, I just sat on the toilet talkin’ to the girls about various things till I heard her get up and try to make a run. We scurried out right behind her to wash up and there she was applying her lipstick and poofing her curls in the mirror like she wasn’t that stinky ass biatch that just unloaded the mother of all diarrhea.

Don’t get me wrong, my shit stinks like everyone else’s, but you can look at me and know that. She was so damn snobby as people were perusing her jewelry, I just didn’t expect her to do that in public. And you wanna know the worst part of it? She was applying her lipstick with hands she did’t wash. Yeah, you heard me, she is a dirty biatch as well.

It’s the small things in life that make me smile. Like the horrible misfortune of this fine young lady taking a big fat stinky shit right next to someone that would then turn around and write about it on the Internet. I am so freakin’ evil sometimes. Mwahhahhaa!

This entry was posted on Friday, April 13th, 2007 at 4:06 pm and is filed under Gaga For Lulu, Funny Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.