Gaga For Lulu

Is the weekend really freakin’ over? It flies by. This weekend was kinda hectic. The Big Guy was in golf tourney all day Saturday and then I had bridal dress shopping today with my BFF, yeah I said it, Robs and my sissies. In between we were trying, I said trying, to clean the house and look at potential homes since my jackass of a hubby is obsessed with house hunting! LOL.

Consensus on the whole house thing is we have to find something that totally wows us and blows us out of the water like a big whale fart. Yeah, that just isn’t really happening. Today, we did find one that backed to the Susquehanna River on a good amount of land and has a pretty sweet ass kitchen. We loaded The Tribe up in the caravanarama in the pissing rain and road up to have a look-see. It was sold! Those butt munches forgot to update the website. The Big Guy was all fired up, “I am going to go back in there and ask for gas money, unprofessional douche bags, how hard is it to update a site”. “Yeah, you do that, assholian dynamite!”

Dress shopping. Ahhh, the days. I remember looking for my dress and being all obsessed with every stupid little detail of that big ol’ day. Now looking back on it, I was so flippin’ stupid. Does all that shit even matter in the dig scheme of life? Hell no.

But I did have fun with my sissies and Robs. She found a gorgeous dress that she looked stunning in. Very excited for her!!! So the search for the bridesmaid dresses goes on. One dress, 7 different body types. That is asking for trouble, especially when biatches are involved. We can be so caddy. Ugh, why must we have hormones?

And we finally cleaned. Big accomplishment. The Big Guy is the best hubby some times. He helped me scrub and wipe and do all the fun shit that goes along with it. I miss having a cleaning lady, but it is $220 extra dollars in our pocket each month, which adds up. And my cleaning lady was a b-i-a-t-c-h!

So where are we now? Well, I just wrote for my diabetes site, thank the sweet lord. I found a good topic on genetic testing and risk factors, some good shiznit. The Big Guy and I are attempting to spend some time “together”, I think, if I remember what it is, but I keep writing on the computer and he is laying here watching Police Academy from like 1984 with one hand down his pants and the other on the clicker. What the hell? H-O-T!!! Haha!

The Babe, M3 and I had another lunch date with The Big Guy today at the ever so exclusive fine dining picnic area of Costco. We try to take the 2 of them out once a month, since they are stuck at home with me all day long. Its no prison sentence, but no walk in the park! LOL.

Getting back to our loverly dining experience. If any of you belong to Costco you already know what I am talking about but for those that don’t I will try to paint the picture for you. When you walk in the store you are right in the middle of jewelry, electronics and random specials.

Well, they always have an exclusive vendor off to the side selling whatever his or her dumb ass product is. I say dumb ass because it is always something that you could get anywhere else for a hell of a lot cheaper but they sell the shit out of it because morons don’t do the math. If it is Costco, it has to be cheaper, right? Whatever.

The vendor today was a young mid twenty something year old with perfectly coiffed hair and meticulous makeup that was dressed to a tee. I mean the pleats in her very sauve’ pants were so straight and deliberate and her silky embroidered long jacket top was shimmery and fit like a second body. She was selling overpriced beaded jewelry. Yeah, annoying as shit!!

Anywho, the bathroom trip. Of course, you knew this was going in that direction because as I have written before, Costco is a fave potty spot. We have to visit it at least once. They have the softest toilet paper this side of the Mason Dixon line.

We walked in the bathroom and headed right for the big stall. You know, handicap, which is totally wrong because my only handicap is my mental state, but we can fit all our asses in that stall. Next to us is a women who is totally unloading. I mean shit must be spraying in every direction. The smell that was emanating under the stall was like a wave of some paralyzing chemical agent.

My girls are laughing at this point and asking ever so quietly, “why does it smell so bad” and “she is making a lot of noises, she is farrrting very loud”. “Sshhhhh”, I say, while laughing my big ol’ pale ass off. When it was my turn on the potty to tinkle, I dropped the roll of paper, well actually the toilet paper thingie fell open and hit my head while the huge paper roll hit the very dirty ground.

I bent over to pick it up and caught a glimpse of the shoes that belonged to Ms. Smelly, noisy, shitty girl next to us. OMG, it was totally Ms. Prim and proper, my shit doesn’t stink, haha, dressed in the finest clothes available women that was selling the overpriced u-g-l-y jewelry.

Hahahaha,heeheeheeeheeeee!!! She tried to do the ol’ wait it out trick. You know what I am talking about. The wait till the other people that just heard you drop the huge turd leaves and then come out of the stall. Guess what? I waited her out. That’s right, I just sat on the toilet talkin’ to the girls about various things till I heard her get up and try to make a run. We scurried out right behind her to wash up and there she was applying her lipstick and poofing her curls in the mirror like she wasn’t that stinky ass biatch that just unloaded the mother of all diarrhea.

Don’t get me wrong, my shit stinks like everyone else’s, but you can look at me and know that. She was so damn snobby as people were perusing her jewelry, I just didn’t expect her to do that in public. And you wanna know the worst part of it? She was applying her lipstick with hands she did’t wash. Yeah, you heard me, she is a dirty biatch as well.

It’s the small things in life that make me smile. Like the horrible misfortune of this fine young lady taking a big fat stinky shit right next to someone that would then turn around and write about it on the Internet. I am so freakin’ evil sometimes. Mwahhahhaa!

Alrighty people, we have a flippin’ winner. Now let me start by saying we appreciate all the support that has been given to us in regards to the Babblz site. It really is a cool social site. Hopefully soon it will be a full fledge freakin’ community. Yee ha!!!

The Big Guy used random.org to generate a winner. Congrats to Allison from Caffeinated Ramblings! Allison, please send us an email through my contact form here, including your address and your choice of Passion Fruit, Cherry Blossom, or Japanese Cherry Blossom scents. We will send it out to you ASAP. Yipee!

If you didn’t win, don’t go bitching and throwing around those 4 letter words. We will be holding another contest after the next 75 signups. Damn skippy, we are also looking into offering more prizes during the next go-round!

The Big Guy: “You are the most beautiful, wonderful women. You make all my dreams come true.

Mommy: “Uh huh, go on!”

The Big Guy: “I think you are smokin’ hot and want to ravage your body”

Mommy: “I know, please stop already!!”

The Big Guy: “You make my life complete you hot piece of….”

…..So it is only a daydream, but I swear he has said all of those words at some time over the last year! Like, “the coffee is smokin’ hot” and “stop already, you are annoying the shit out of me”! Anywho reality is…

The Big Guy: “I love this episode of South Park”

Mommy: “Uh huh”

The Big Guy: “Damn that smells”

Mommy: “You are a sick biatch”

The Big Guy: (trying to shove my head under the stanky ass covers) “How’s that one for ya?”

Mommy: “Hahahaha…heeheeheee…gross mother….”

Love is so grand! And I have myself one hot smokin’ man. LOL!

1. Why do some people have to be such shits that you want to scream?

2. Why do people use each other and then when they have no more use for them, just decide they have had enough?

3. Do we get wiser with age, or just have more tolerance?

4. Why are women so damn persnickety at times?

5. Would you rather have a few close friends or a large amount of casual ones?

Just some questions that I was pondering over this afternoon. I am very fortunate to have a group of very close friends that I have had for years and years, some of them 30 plus years. We have seen each other through marriages, troubles with husbands, pregnancies, miscarriages, deaths of parents, deaths of our own children and countless other situations.

I would rather have close friends that would take a phone call at 3 in the morning, pick me up when I am stranded hours away, and watch over my kids with their whole hearts than casual ones of convenience.

What do ya’ all think. Maybe it because I am getting older, maybe it is because I am getting wiser!

…and I am too tired to even care!!!

Why was it 40 degrees today? What the hell? It was 80 degrees last week and now it is April and we are wearing bulky ass winter jackets. Oh well, I still took The Tribe to a local playground to meet some friends. I think my snot was honestly frozen to my face and my big ol’ ass was numb. They had fun though.

The Boss needed today. She has been having a rough time lately. She has been crying constantly. Before and After school. During dinner, getting dressed, doing homework, playing with her sisters. She has been exhausting all of our patience and energy. I feel like we are working so damn hard to make her smile and laugh. It really is’t fair to the other 2, but we are truly worried about The Boss.

The Big Guy and I have tried every tactic we know to get to the bottom of things. She just hasn’t been herself. We even had a conference with her teacher and got this freakin’ reply from the teacher, “K is a great student. She is my favorite this year. She is so smart, respectful, quiet and has all the friends in the world. She makes teaching fun and if I have a daughter, I want her to be just like K”.

We were dumb founded. I said a modest thank you and was even more frustrated and puzzled. The Boss cries every AM from what her clothes look like, to her glasses, shoelaces, book-bag and “ugly” eyes. I swear to god, if I ever find out who has made her feel like this at the age of 6, I will do some bodily harm.

We have examined our parenting style, even invited friends and family to critique us to make sure we were not in some way influencing K in a negative way. Oh, being a mommy and daddy is so damn hard sometimes. I wish I could just hug and kiss her and make everything better. I know it is how she perceives situations and verbalizations but she is only 6 years old. That scares me.

The Big Guy and I have each had recent “break downs” over the situation. Of course, not in front of The Boss or the younger 2, but it is really making us anxious, nervous and has left us feeling guilty in some way. As ya’all know I am on an antidepressant, but The Big Guy is as well (he is open with this like I, and knows I write about it, so relax! LOL). Did we “mess” her up in some way? Is it our god awful genetics that has done this to her? Why does she have to feel like this at 6 years old? It is not fair.

The Boss had a good day, only 2 episodes of inconsolable crying and we were able to calm her down within 45 minutes. Which is better than an hour and a half. But you never want to hear your child say she doesn’t like herself, or thinks she is ugly, kids don’t like her, and feels so sad and doesn’t know why. It just takes your heart and snaps it in freakin’ half!

I love those kids to death. as soon as you have the little snot noses, your heart is worn on the outside of your body and you feel every emotion that they do 10 fold. So yeah, she needed a good day with some old friends at the playground, even if it was so could our snot was freezing on our faces and the port a pot “liquid” was frozen. Flippin’ foul! LOL.

Wow, I really rambled on. I feel so damn worn out. And just one more question. Why the hell is the price of living in Maryland so damn high? I mean come on, you can’t get a decent 4 bedroom house without shelling out a small fortune. Don’t get me wrong, we have a great 4 bedroom house with a pool on a nice piece of property, but we are always looking for more land, couple acres. Don’t even get me started on taxes and electric and water bill. $500 a month for electric and $450 quarterly for water. What the shit are these people thinking. I need a money tree!!!!! LOL!!

A little side note. The Big Guy and I are soooo excited. The Babblz site is doing well. We are going to sit down and create a marketing plan in the next day or so. We really want this to work, and can seeing it doing so. It is cool because Mom and Dad bloggers will have a community that can pull from all different places and link them together.

We will have the first prize basket drawing on Thursday, based on the numbers we have now. Plans of other prizes are under way as well. We are always open to ideas, or advice. So if you have anything at all, send it our way.

Appreciate everyone’s support. Keep the ol’ articles comin’!!!! (Scroll down for some more random thoughts and crazy ass blabberings!)

Our Easter weekend in pictures. My best friend, “aunt Wobs” had a birthday, she turned 30. The Tribe made her a cake. It made for a late, but fun Friday night. The Big Guy took The Tribe to an Easter egg hunt at the country club on Saturday AM.

They had breakfast with the big ol’ bunny. By the way, The Boss told all the kids in line he wasn’t the real bunny, just a helper cause the real one was sooooo busy. Apparently some kids cried, I am happy I wasn’t there for that, I would have felt really bad, and probably peed myself from laughing so shittin’ hard. The Big Guy said he used some recovery skills and made things ok.

Then, as I rambled on above, Saturday was 12 hours in poopy paradise for me. It was an ok day, 1 died, (hospice patient)
but fun fellow nurses to work with.

You want to know the only flippin’ bad thing about working around death? You become a little numb to it. You learn to compartmentalize those feelings and think about it from a physiological point of view. Don’t get me wrong, I am still empathetic and show compassion, but it is forced at times. Oh well, comes with the job I guess!

So, we dyed eggs when I got home last night, had some fun family time and went to sleep. The Easter bunny forgot to do the baskets last night, so The Big Guy was up early this AM getting them set up. Kids found the baskets on the back deck, Easter bunny hopped the fence, haha.

The girls pigged out on freakin’ sugar and have been running around like maniacs. We don’t do a whole lot on Easter, we are going to visit with Mom Mom and Pop Pop for a late lunch, but otherwise lay low. We are all in the basement watching movies, of course they are the same ones we watch over and over…. The Big Guy has all 3 sitting on his lap, they loooovvve their daddy. It is so damn cute!

It is days like this when I feel bad for ever being a damn maniac and yelling at the kids. But you know what? Everyone loses it sometimes and if they say they don’t, they are lying!!! LOL. I think you just have to keep it real and know you are not perfect and we all earn form our own, as well as others mistakes.

So, I guess you all have learned a lot from reading about my crazy ass life! Hee hee hee.

So, it is 5 AM, I am trying to get motivated to get in shower. I don’t feel well. My nose has sufficiently ran all night, woke up with dried snot all over me and the pillow. How damn gross. My throat is on fire and chest feels like I am trying to breath sub arctic air. Oh joy, I have to go to frickin’ work at poopy paradise. Holy great pink mother of pearl, give me some strength. Please let my patients be good. Why, why oh why?

At least I won’t be able to smell the shit, phlegm and other bodily fluids that are coming my way today. Cheers!!!!

Ok, we are going to have some fun with The Big Guy. Get your minds out of the gutter, not that kinda fun, that will come later. Bow chicka bow….focus Kendra. If you all could see the “I am so not into this you are annoying me, why can’t you ever leave me alone” face he is making right now, you would laugh your asses off. Why? Because I’m going to make him flippin’ play anyway.

“Fine I’ll play your silly game!” Thats all I need, so it’s on. You are about to find out how well The Big Guy and I know each other. Cripe, after 13 years and 3 kids, I hope we get something frickin’ right. LOL!

Me Quizzing Him:

1. What first attracted me to you? Hey, I was 6′6″, her imagination went crazy!

2. Where did we first kiss? In her apartment, on the sweet school-supplied couch, in front of her 13″ TV

3. What is my favorite part of your body? heh heh

4. What is my favorite quality that you possess? my wit :p

5. What makes me happiest in life? Being with family

6. What is my biggest fear? losing someone close

7. Who is my best friend? me! then robs

8. What is my dream vacation? Somewhere very warm on a beach

9. What is my goal in life? to raise a great family and be happy

10. If I had one wish, what would it be? liposuction, just kidding

Answers:

1. Whatever Big Guy, I would say it was eyes, sense of humor and mad kissing skillz!

2. He is right

3. He is one sick mother fuddrucker. I love his eyes!!!!

4. He is confident, self assured and funny as all shit

5. He is good. That is it to the tee.

6. Yes, something happening to my girls.

7. Yup.

8. Damn skippy.

9. He is so on it!

10. Asshole!!! That my kids are always happy and secure in life. (He likes my junk in the trunk, trust me, hee hee)

I guess I should reward him for playing nicely. Oh hell, let me gather strength. Maybe he will settle for a foot rub, but I can see it in his “come and get me” eyes, he thinks he is getting something special. It has been a couple of months, I am afraid my number is up. Shit!!!!! LOL.