Gaga For Lulu

Why are some women just plain out shitty? Do they have to look at me like I am a gruesome, nasty ass ogre or something? Seriously, one day I am going to walk right on up to them and say, “Do I have a booger or something I don’t know about. Is my nipple hanging out? Or do you always look like you are smelling shit?”

What do you think they would do?

Honestly, at swim practice, which is every night by the way so I am familiar looking to these caddy ass mom’s, there are a couple of women that look you up and down with this look of utter disgust on their faces. Of course, I am obnoxious and smile back even bigger and make sure I say hi, but I would like to round up a bunch of us ogre moms and kick some mean ass! Want to join me?

The Big Guy picks up the ringing phone…

“Mr J, this is the school nurse. I have K, aka The Boss, here in the office”

The Big Guy is rolling his eyes, “Is she okay?”

“Yes, she had a substitute teacher today and she sent her to my office because she was itchy”

“Does she have a rash?”

“No, she informed her sub teacher that she has mites”

Hahahahahah,heeheehehhehehehehehheeeeeeeeeee! (you get my drift)

“She said that her daddy told her that the itchies are mites that are under her skin”

At this point The Big Guy passes me the phone. I explain that when we go to the beach the sand fleas bother her, and her daddy has always called them mites. I proceeded to explain that we usually just give her Benedryl and lotion and that she is a bit overdramatic. “We don’t have mites, mange, scabies or any other willies. Her skin is dry from the chlorine and sun”.

Thank goodness the nurese has a sense of humor and knows me all too well. I swear that child visits the nurse every week. “I sent her back to class and told the sub that she just has dry skin”.

So, I can see it now. Monday will come and the school will get 3 phonecalls from parents insisting that someone had mites in school and the classroom has to be fumigated. Oh well, she could have picked other things to share with her sub that she has heard from daddy at home…. haha! I guess bugs under the skin isn’t that bad.

We are back from the beach in a wirl wind! We got back on Wednesday evening just in time for the Boss’ swim team’s practice and to unload 3 suitcases and umpteen toys. Of course, the pool was finally ready in our own backyard, only $500 in chemicals, but that is another story, so The Tribe had to take a dip. Bedtime came and went and the alarm went of at a very early 5 AM. I headed to poopy paradise for my weekly fun.

So, now itis Friday AM and M3 graduates from preschool. I am sitting here thinking about the gift I have to go get the teacher by 9 AM and the 24 cupcakes I need to obviously purchase at this time, I am such good planner, LOL! Then we have her birthday party tomorrow, she is finally 5! I forgot to order a cake, so I will be attempting to make a jungle theme cake for the bouncie party that I am sure will be rained out by the horrible storms we are suppose to get tomorrow afternoon since it is a smoldering 95 degrees on June 1st. You gotta love Maryland!

There’s my life in a nutshell. I am such a procastinator sometimes. Hopefully The Tribe didn’t inheret that gene from me, altough The Big Guy isn’t much better, haha. I hope everyone has a great Friday!

Well it’s been a while. We have been at the beach since Friday. The weather rocks and my diddy doo, aka M3, aka Sydney Claire is 5! Her birthday was Sunday and we celebrated in style.

She picked Outback for dinner and Maggie Moo’s for desert. OMG, it was too freakin’ good. Then we went shopping at the outlets, which is always so flippin’ fun.

Yeah, The Babe had to visit the bathroom 5 times and screamed about her ‘ghina’ itching, sand in the ol’ crack. The Boss and M3 took each other down in the middle of The Children’s Place over a sparkly headband and The Big Guy was shopping away oblivious to the situations at hand, but he was happy which is too ding dang cute. By the way, I am so in love with him. I am a lucky women!

So yup it has been a hell of a good time. The Big Guy has been smoking his cigars, which only happens once in a blue moon, and has left him mighty relaxed. That has provided me with some good lovin’! Haha, I’m naughty :p!

I will be back in full swing come Thursday. For now I must be forced to sit in the sun and frolic in the great Atlantic with the kids while getting loved on by the hot ass love of my life. Oh hell, life is sooo tough sometimes, hee hee.

I have a question for all you out there? When do you have your, err… “together time”. I mean, seriously. I am so flippin tired after getting the kids to bed, ready for the next day, finishing work on the computer and wrapping up anything else that I need to that I am hardly in the bow chicka bow bow mood. I try, I want to, believe me I think about it, but my body just doesn’t get in that horizontal hokie pokie position. Ugh!!!

Now, I have taken this poll at work, at preschool pick up and on the phone with many of my friends, yeah, they know I am crazy, and I have gotten some funny responses. I have frequented the meet me in the closet or bathroom while the kids are watching a movie downstairs, like so many others that I have spoken to, but I have never done the AM sexy time. Come on people, when the hell do you get up?

Cripe, we are already up at the butt crack of dawn! And how can you be all “love me long time” when the kids will be scooting down the hall any second, not to mention your funky ass breath, boogies in the eyes and puffy ass face. Just not for me.

So…. when am I suppose to get it on? I lovvveeee The Big Guy to death, think he is the most handsome, sexy eyed man in the world. Not to mention my love for his junk in the trunk and…. “focus Kendra”, but I am having issues with getting my body in motion. I think about it during the day, visualize it, wish he could come home at lunch then 10 PM hits and goodnight sweetheart.

I am looking for guidance from you sexy, queen of the hot and steamy, va va voom ladies out there. What to do? When to do it? LOL!

Why do some women like to pull each other down instead of lifting each other up? I am one of those people that tries to understand everyone, even if they offer the most extreme opinions and lifestyles from my own, I am open to their thoughts and ways. I may not agree and I may offer my 2 cents when it is not welcome occasionaly, but I do make an effort. I guess some women just don’t have that in them, that nice gene.

So I was at Poopy Paradise last night, the ol’ nightshift, 7PM till 7AM. The night was pretty good, I worked with nurses I don’t usually see on a regular basis. The weekend option crew, but good patients, some real sickies that kept me on my toes and made me use my noggin.

But come the shit on! What is up with bitchiness?

I felt like the biggest, ignorant, non competent, horrible mommy on earth. According to the rest of my fellow nurses, my mothering style must be jack shit. My kids know the words vagina and penis, and my kids know that a baby comes out the ol’ shoot, and they listen to music, and they watch television, and they see me naked, and the know what a four letter word sounds like, and they have seen me cry, and they have seen me rant and scream, but they have also seen me seen me love them to death for how ever long they have been here with us, and kiss them constantly, and tell them I love you all day long, and play with them, and read to them, and do anything and everything to make them as happy as possible. So does that make me a crappy ass mommy? Hmm, I don’t think so!

But according to the population of nurses I worked with last night, I am just too open, honest, and forthcoming with my kids. I am making them grow up too fast and allowing them to “know” too much! Yeah, guess what? My girls will be just fine. The Big Guy and I give love 24 hours a day and may not be perfect, but do the best we can. The only thing that matters to us on a consistent basis is the happiness, joy and health of our 3 girls.

So, when I think about it, I guess we are guilty of talking about our girls too much, and spending too much time with our family, and providing too many happy memories, and providing too many toys and books, and ultimately loving them way too much. How dare we do that to these little girls? The nerve of us.

Bottom line, ya’all who like to judge and piss on others parades, be gone! I don’t have time to defend my parenting styles and explain my house and how it runs, and I don’t have time to smile while you share your unwanted stupid ass opinions! I know, I am a little harsh, but the more I think about it, the more fired up I get, and I will not let that happen on this fine Sunday afternoon.

If everyone would be tolerant of others differences and appreciate what they have in their own lives, instead of making themselves better by pointing out differences, we would all be better off. I listen to pretty much anything anyone has to say, I may not agree, but they could offer something for me to take and put to use in my own life.

I am just as guilty of the next women of being opinionated, but I do try to understand differences and see where everyone may be coming from. After all, we are all different, are wired different, and have weathered differences in our lives, but we all want one common thing, what is best for our kids!

Okay, I am going to paint you a funny, funny, but so lame picture. Did I mention that it is funny? Ugh, here it goes. I can’t believe I am putting this out there. Friday night at our house is so damn exciting. I am soaking in the tub, The Big Guy is cutting his hair with clippers about 12 feet away from me in the same bathroom and The Babe is sitting on the toilet that is 5 feet away from the tub that I am sitting in. Wait, that’s not it. Our wiener dog, Dexie, jumped in the tub with me, so he is sitting on my belly in the tub that I am soaking in next to the kid taking the crap that is across from the guy cutting his hair.

Um huh! Are you freakin’ joking me? Did this really happen? Why is my life so pathetic? Haha :). So yeah, fun times at our house. Funny thing is though, none of us in the bathroom were even paying attention to the other people around us. I was laughing at the dog and decided to shampoo his stinky ass. The Babe was singing High School Musical, yes she is 2 1/2, on the toilet and The Big Guy was concentrating on the hair thing due to the fact that he didn’t have his glasses on and he is blind as a bat without them. I wish I had a picture, well not of me in the tub, but the whole seen.

Funny as hell!!!! Life is hilarious sometimes and I am glad that I can laugh about it today! It was a great day!

I took a little quiz , thanks to Hsien, for shits and giggles…. It was pretty dead on. Give it a go and let me know your results.

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

The mall at dinner time in the very crowded food court…

The Babe sits in her chair and puts her feet up on the table, I gaze in her direction. One second to late, for The Boss and M3 had already seen what I did.

M3: “Ew, Ali has her ghina hangin’ out”

The Boss: “Where is your panties Ali?”

Laughter between the 2 of them while I try to quiet The Tribe down so the freakin’ attention can die down and I can get to the bottom of the situation.

Mommy: “Ali, where are your panties? Look at me, in a quiet voice, what did you do with your panties?”

The Babe: “Put em over there”

Mommy: “Where?”

M3 and The Boss: “Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

The Babe: “Right there (pointing), on the stwoller”

Good God ya’all, the child had hung her crusty, skid mark panties right over the handle of the stroller! Funny as shit, but ever so embarrassing. I love being a mommy!

So, you wanna know how old I am? Let’s just say that on Saturday night, while at the beach with my 2 good friends from college, we hunted down a Denny’s in the pouring down rain to chow down on some freakin’ pancakes! Uh huh, thats right! Cinco de Mayo and we were living it up with all the 80 and over crowd in OC, Maryland. But damn, were those pancakes good.

The weekend was soooo nice though. I got to hang out with 2 great friends and eat, eat, eat all the relaxing weekend long. Saturday was sunny and 75, perfect for reading and catching some sun on the sandy beach. Just the sound of the waves make you relax immediately.

We had a blast watching all the youngins’, that used to be us, frolic on the beach with each other. I am so glad I don’t have to push out the ol’ taters, suck in the gut and swish the ol’ junk in the trunk anymore. Nope none of that, but we did have a contest to see who’s stretch marks were the worst and who’s belly skin would hang down the farthest when bent over. Yeah, we are so HOT!

In our defense, we did have drinks at lunch and on Saturday afternoon, along with our Candy Kitchen purchase and Combos. Yummmmm! Then of course the whole Denny’s experience. That was the 3rd place we stopped to find our beloved round, buttery, sweet, lil’ pieces of heaven. And of course, Willy had her Razzzaaadanngoooo! (That would be Sprite, mango and raspberry juice)

And we were asleep by…..10:30. Molls snored all night, but I guess I will forgive her. She does have a 2 month old and is very sleep deprived! And we wrapped up the weekend with more food and shopping at the outlets. Very relaxing. It was a nice early Mother’s Day gift.

I must say we are married to some good men! They took care of 7 kids between the 3 of them and didn’t bother us 1 time with any complaints, questions or any others. They just said, “have a good time, enjoy yourselves, I love you and the kids are fine”. Not every man would do that. I know, I totally appreciate The Big Guy for being an awesome daddy and very giving hubby!

And he is kinda cute to top it off. Uh oh, I hear some bow chicka bow bow music playing in my crazy ass head. Oh hell, I am so easily swayed, how pitiful! LOL.