Gaga For Lulu

I have a question for all you out there? When do you have your, err… “together time”. I mean, seriously. I am so flippin tired after getting the kids to bed, ready for the next day, finishing work on the computer and wrapping up anything else that I need to that I am hardly in the bow chicka bow bow mood. I try, I want to, believe me I think about it, but my body just doesn’t get in that horizontal hokie pokie position. Ugh!!!

Now, I have taken this poll at work, at preschool pick up and on the phone with many of my friends, yeah, they know I am crazy, and I have gotten some funny responses. I have frequented the meet me in the closet or bathroom while the kids are watching a movie downstairs, like so many others that I have spoken to, but I have never done the AM sexy time. Come on people, when the hell do you get up?

Cripe, we are already up at the butt crack of dawn! And how can you be all “love me long time” when the kids will be scooting down the hall any second, not to mention your funky ass breath, boogies in the eyes and puffy ass face. Just not for me.

So…. when am I suppose to get it on? I lovvveeee The Big Guy to death, think he is the most handsome, sexy eyed man in the world. Not to mention my love for his junk in the trunk and…. “focus Kendra”, but I am having issues with getting my body in motion. I think about it during the day, visualize it, wish he could come home at lunch then 10 PM hits and goodnight sweetheart.

I am looking for guidance from you sexy, queen of the hot and steamy, va va voom ladies out there. What to do? When to do it? LOL!

A very Happy Mother’s Day to ya’all! I hope that each and every one of you are enjoying this big ol’ hallmark holiday, haha. No really, I wish you an enjoyable day. My lil’ Tribe just got back with some new sporty pajamas and perty smelling candles, and very wonderful cards, I’m a sucker for cards. That is of course after my lovely hubby let me sleep till….. 9AM. I love The Big Guy, he is great sometimes, keyword sometimes. LOL!

Have a good one!!!

Do you ever feel like you blink and it is freakin’ Friday again? Seriously? Where the hell does the week go? Ugh, I just want to catch my breath. Okay, I will stop my bitching, I feel better already just having said that!

Once again, I feel as if I have been a no good blogger. I have definitely lost my mojo for Gaga this week and my zest for surfing around all my fave blogs. You know who you are! I have been an absent presence over the last week.

But not to worry. You were not just another notch on my keyboard, haha. I miss all that is going on in your crazy lives and am going to make time this weekend to catch up. You know it’s bad when The Big Guy knows more about the happenings of my fellow bloggers lives than I do.

Yeah, he loves reading your thoughts. It is a secret though, just between you and me, hee hee!

I am starting to get this whole b5 media Channel Editor thing down and have found my groove with my new A Hearty Life Blog. And I never have trouble writing about diabetes on Diabetes Notes. After all, I could always just reflect on myself, and don’t all women love to talk about themselves?

So, bottom line, I can now spend some time focusing on Gaga again and all your wonderful stories, gripes, bitches and tales. After all, ya’all make me feel normalcy and a sense of belonging. And isn’t that what blogging is about anyway? A passion with community!

Let me break it down for you, 4:23 AM, in our little corner of the world…

“What in the shit is that noise?”

“That would be your f’in’ bird sanctuary!”

“Huh, oh for the love of…”

“Um huh, sanctuary at Devonshire (our street name)”

“Why the hell are the birds up at this hour, damn, do they all live outside our house?”

“Yeah, you dimwit, you and your 800 freakin’ bird feeders, who do you think you are?”

Hahahahahahaha, heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee, yeah, I am the culprit. We made 20, or so, bird feeders on Saturday afternoon. You know, the pine cone, peanut butter and bird seed ones. By the way, they are messy as shit to make, but The Tribe loved the project. We also put a feeder up in the big ol’ tree in our front yard. It has actually been pretty cool to watch the birds eat, we have seen some pretty ones, but I forgot that they wake early. Sorry Big Guy, and neighbors! LOL.

As I mentioned in my last post I have decided to make some more changes in my life. You all know that I work part time, just 12 hours a week, as a nurse, babysit my nephews 2 or 3 days a week, part time professionally blog for b5media on Diabetes Notes, and of course write my little heart out at Gaga, but I have decided to take on another blog.

I am going to be writing for A Hearty Life, part of b5media. I am very excited. I have been a cardiac nurse for the last 8 years, so I have a passion for cardiac research, resources and everyday findings. Now I get to write about it, yee ha!!! I know, what a dork, right? Oh well, if he shoe fits…

And even bigger yet, I am going to be the CE, Science and Health Channel editor for b5media. So damn excited about that one!!!! Over the last 2 months I have come to know my CE, Hsien-Hsien Lei, a PhD none the less, and she is such a cool person. She has that personality that is go out and get er’ done, take no prisoners, I know what I want, self assured and has the shit to back it up. Ahh, a perfect match for me, LOL!

But seriously, she has done such a great job over the past year and a half at b5media, but it is time for her to get back to her passion, science and genetics. She will be writing at Eye on DNA and hasn’t made any definites on what is to follow. One thing is for sure, she will be missed and I have some pretty big damn shoes to fill. Gidde’ up, I am ready to ride!

So there you have it. I am nervous, anxious and overly excited about what lies ahead. Channel me some of your get it goin’ on girl energies.

And in the words of Veronica Corningstone, “I will have you know that I have more talent, and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir. You look like a blueberry. Well, you have bad hair. I said, your…hair…looks…stupid!”

Side note: The Boss lost another tooth, isn’t she flippin’ adorable?

I haven’t bitched about The Big Guy for quite some time now. He has been more than “good”. I think as he gets older he settles more and more into the routine of our life as we know it. BUT he pissed me off a short bit ago. Maybe it is me being tired, or moody, or fuzzy from f’ed up blood sugars or plain out a bitch, but I am pissed and offended.

Let me set it up for ya. Bedtime. Showers have been given, pajamas are on, 101 meds given to The Babe and it is time to simmer down and tuck in for the night. It is a bit early, but The Tribe is VERY tired since they woke at the ass crack of dawn this weekend and have been going a mile a minute in the very warm weather. I had to wake their little butts up this AM. Yeah, what a joke. This weekend they were dressed before 6 AM and today, “no mommy, I’m tired, can’t we sleep more”.

Anywho, getting back to this evening, I am trying to get everyone to calm down and understand that yes indeed I am serious, and it is time for bed. The Babe is screaming a pissin’ fit and The Boss and M3 are bouncing off their beds like they have springs attached to their asses! I am at my wits end. I didn’t work today but I did get 3 kids dressed, off to school, change bed sheets, fold laundry, pick up my mom and take her to physical therapy and Target, get The Boss off the bus, drop my mom off at home, make dinner while playing with my 3 and the neighbors kids on the swing set, clean up dinner, get showers done, lay out clothes for AM, fold more laundry. I managed to do most of this with no attitude and a smile on my face.

Well, guess what friends? That freakin’ smile is gone! I look in our bedroom and what do I see, The Big Guy laying across the bed watching the baseball game and playing around on the laptop. Oh hell no!!! I lost it a bit. “You know what, you son of a bitch, I haven’t sat down all day either, why don’t you go in and read Ali a story. Can you help me a little hear asshole!” Not very nice, but I felt better after saying it.

I know that he worked today and came home to a very hassled dinner table and kids all jacked up on sugar and some sort of solar power that for some reason just doesn’t penetrate anyone above the age of 21, but come the shit on. You know? When is my flippin’ break? When do I get to take a 45 minute shit? When do I get to take a piss without The Babe telling me my pubic hair is nasty? When do I get to lay across the bed before 9:30 PM and leisurely watch whatever the hell I want?

I know, I know, when I became a mom I gave all those rights up, but I can still bitch about it. I will just pretend in my crazy ass head that pissin’ and moaning will make a difference and poof, that The Big Guy won’t have to be told what to do at bedtime (after 6 years of being a daddy!).

I love him so much, but god damn is he a freakin’ jackass sometimes. It’s like he thinks with that cute ass of his! LOL….

“Birfdee party in the park, yeeeah. We have a parrrtyyy!” goes The Babe.

Earth Day in the park would be what she was talking about. It was gorgeous out, 80 degrees and sunny! My sis and her two boys came with us. The Big Guy even went along for the flippin’ ride! To be honest, he only came because he was worried about me and my blood sugar shit that is going on.

Yeah, that blood sugar thing sucks my big ol’ butt. Up in the 300’s, then low in the 50’s. I feel like shat to be truthful. My body is tired and I have a constant headache. My stomach doesn’t know which way to go, out the mouth or out the butt. Unfortunately neither one is happening which just leads to an upset belly all god darn day.

Oh well, no good worrying about it, it won’t change a freakin’ thing. Hopefully lab results will be conclusive. Knowing my luck, they won’t and I will have to be poked and prodded. Oh hell!

The good thing it is the weekend so The Big Guy is here with me all day. It is funny how safe I feel with him. Not that he knows anything about diabetes or health related issues but I know he will take care of me. He has so many times before! Knee surgeries, eclamptic pregnancies, hemorrhaging, hysterectomies, blood transfusions, back surgery, and all kinds of other breakdowns. God bless that man. Not that I haven’t weathered some bull shit with him but that is a whole nother story. LOL!

My goal for the next day is to keep my blood sugar between 90 and 200. Isn’t it a load of shit that there has to be that much effort put into food and crap??? Gimme a break, but it could be worse. I don’t have to use insulin and I don’t need a pump and I am not going through chemotherapy and I don’t need dialysis and I don’t have lupus and……. So yes, I am complaining whoa is me but I realize it is not the end of the world. Just a little scary right now.

First thing first, I am so saddened and appalled at what occurred at Virginia Tech today. I have shed some tears over this, it could be anywhere and happen to anyone. What the hell is wrong with god damn people? Excuse my language but come the shit on! Is so damn scary.

The Big Guy sent me this email, “time to home school the kids, straight through college”. Yeah, if only that was the answer. Unfortunately the kids need to learn to deal with differences and fend for themselves. We as parents can give them that strong foundation and hope above all hope that they use it to their fullest potential. Once again how flippin’ scary.

All part of being a parent I guess. I have it good right now. I may not sleep through the night, ever piss alone, or get a night out on the town with my stud muffin, but I know where the little boogers are at all parts of the day. Still, with The Boss in school full day, that horrible thought does pass through every so often.

My heart goes out to the families, friends, colleagues, and all affected by this shooting today. I have seen to many big and bads in my lifetime. 9/11, Columbine, Challenger, Reagan being shot, Multiple school shootings, Oklahoma City, Tsunami’s, Hurricane Katrina, and so many more. I know there will be more, but I just pray that we have the strength to deal with all the craziness that is sure to be ahead!

Back to lighter times. I owe apologies. I haven’t had time lately to read my regular blogs and comment on others witty ass charm and funny freakin’ happenings. I enjoy keeping current on so many of your lives. It’s kinda strange how you become familiar with each other without ever laying eyes on each other. Actually pretty shitin’ neat.

I have thrown some extra shifts in there at poopy paradise and been busy with The Tribe, nephews and my mom. Remember, she had her knee replaced 3 weeks ago or so, she totally rocks! She is all around town, moving and shaking. We just need to get the ROM thing going.

So yeah, I have been a shit with the whole blog thing. Hardly had time to take a…well you know. I will hopefully get back on the ol’ saddle this week and catch up with all that I have been missing.

And as always a random good quote from Brian Fantana of the channel 4 news team…”60% of the time it works, every time”.

The Babe, M3 and I had another lunch date with The Big Guy today at the ever so exclusive fine dining picnic area of Costco. We try to take the 2 of them out once a month, since they are stuck at home with me all day long. Its no prison sentence, but no walk in the park! LOL.

Getting back to our loverly dining experience. If any of you belong to Costco you already know what I am talking about but for those that don’t I will try to paint the picture for you. When you walk in the store you are right in the middle of jewelry, electronics and random specials.

Well, they always have an exclusive vendor off to the side selling whatever his or her dumb ass product is. I say dumb ass because it is always something that you could get anywhere else for a hell of a lot cheaper but they sell the shit out of it because morons don’t do the math. If it is Costco, it has to be cheaper, right? Whatever.

The vendor today was a young mid twenty something year old with perfectly coiffed hair and meticulous makeup that was dressed to a tee. I mean the pleats in her very sauve’ pants were so straight and deliberate and her silky embroidered long jacket top was shimmery and fit like a second body. She was selling overpriced beaded jewelry. Yeah, annoying as shit!!

Anywho, the bathroom trip. Of course, you knew this was going in that direction because as I have written before, Costco is a fave potty spot. We have to visit it at least once. They have the softest toilet paper this side of the Mason Dixon line.

We walked in the bathroom and headed right for the big stall. You know, handicap, which is totally wrong because my only handicap is my mental state, but we can fit all our asses in that stall. Next to us is a women who is totally unloading. I mean shit must be spraying in every direction. The smell that was emanating under the stall was like a wave of some paralyzing chemical agent.

My girls are laughing at this point and asking ever so quietly, “why does it smell so bad” and “she is making a lot of noises, she is farrrting very loud”. “Sshhhhh”, I say, while laughing my big ol’ pale ass off. When it was my turn on the potty to tinkle, I dropped the roll of paper, well actually the toilet paper thingie fell open and hit my head while the huge paper roll hit the very dirty ground.

I bent over to pick it up and caught a glimpse of the shoes that belonged to Ms. Smelly, noisy, shitty girl next to us. OMG, it was totally Ms. Prim and proper, my shit doesn’t stink, haha, dressed in the finest clothes available women that was selling the overpriced u-g-l-y jewelry.

Hahahaha,heeheeheeeheeeee!!! She tried to do the ol’ wait it out trick. You know what I am talking about. The wait till the other people that just heard you drop the huge turd leaves and then come out of the stall. Guess what? I waited her out. That’s right, I just sat on the toilet talkin’ to the girls about various things till I heard her get up and try to make a run. We scurried out right behind her to wash up and there she was applying her lipstick and poofing her curls in the mirror like she wasn’t that stinky ass biatch that just unloaded the mother of all diarrhea.

Don’t get me wrong, my shit stinks like everyone else’s, but you can look at me and know that. She was so damn snobby as people were perusing her jewelry, I just didn’t expect her to do that in public. And you wanna know the worst part of it? She was applying her lipstick with hands she did’t wash. Yeah, you heard me, she is a dirty biatch as well.

It’s the small things in life that make me smile. Like the horrible misfortune of this fine young lady taking a big fat stinky shit right next to someone that would then turn around and write about it on the Internet. I am so freakin’ evil sometimes. Mwahhahhaa!

1. Why do some people have to be such shits that you want to scream?

2. Why do people use each other and then when they have no more use for them, just decide they have had enough?

3. Do we get wiser with age, or just have more tolerance?

4. Why are women so damn persnickety at times?

5. Would you rather have a few close friends or a large amount of casual ones?

Just some questions that I was pondering over this afternoon. I am very fortunate to have a group of very close friends that I have had for years and years, some of them 30 plus years. We have seen each other through marriages, troubles with husbands, pregnancies, miscarriages, deaths of parents, deaths of our own children and countless other situations.

I would rather have close friends that would take a phone call at 3 in the morning, pick me up when I am stranded hours away, and watch over my kids with their whole hearts than casual ones of convenience.

What do ya’ all think. Maybe it because I am getting older, maybe it is because I am getting wiser!

…and I am too tired to even care!!!

Why was it 40 degrees today? What the hell? It was 80 degrees last week and now it is April and we are wearing bulky ass winter jackets. Oh well, I still took The Tribe to a local playground to meet some friends. I think my snot was honestly frozen to my face and my big ol’ ass was numb. They had fun though.

The Boss needed today. She has been having a rough time lately. She has been crying constantly. Before and After school. During dinner, getting dressed, doing homework, playing with her sisters. She has been exhausting all of our patience and energy. I feel like we are working so damn hard to make her smile and laugh. It really is’t fair to the other 2, but we are truly worried about The Boss.

The Big Guy and I have tried every tactic we know to get to the bottom of things. She just hasn’t been herself. We even had a conference with her teacher and got this freakin’ reply from the teacher, “K is a great student. She is my favorite this year. She is so smart, respectful, quiet and has all the friends in the world. She makes teaching fun and if I have a daughter, I want her to be just like K”.

We were dumb founded. I said a modest thank you and was even more frustrated and puzzled. The Boss cries every AM from what her clothes look like, to her glasses, shoelaces, book-bag and “ugly” eyes. I swear to god, if I ever find out who has made her feel like this at the age of 6, I will do some bodily harm.

We have examined our parenting style, even invited friends and family to critique us to make sure we were not in some way influencing K in a negative way. Oh, being a mommy and daddy is so damn hard sometimes. I wish I could just hug and kiss her and make everything better. I know it is how she perceives situations and verbalizations but she is only 6 years old. That scares me.

The Big Guy and I have each had recent “break downs” over the situation. Of course, not in front of The Boss or the younger 2, but it is really making us anxious, nervous and has left us feeling guilty in some way. As ya’all know I am on an antidepressant, but The Big Guy is as well (he is open with this like I, and knows I write about it, so relax! LOL). Did we “mess” her up in some way? Is it our god awful genetics that has done this to her? Why does she have to feel like this at 6 years old? It is not fair.

The Boss had a good day, only 2 episodes of inconsolable crying and we were able to calm her down within 45 minutes. Which is better than an hour and a half. But you never want to hear your child say she doesn’t like herself, or thinks she is ugly, kids don’t like her, and feels so sad and doesn’t know why. It just takes your heart and snaps it in freakin’ half!

I love those kids to death. as soon as you have the little snot noses, your heart is worn on the outside of your body and you feel every emotion that they do 10 fold. So yeah, she needed a good day with some old friends at the playground, even if it was so could our snot was freezing on our faces and the port a pot “liquid” was frozen. Flippin’ foul! LOL.

Wow, I really rambled on. I feel so damn worn out. And just one more question. Why the hell is the price of living in Maryland so damn high? I mean come on, you can’t get a decent 4 bedroom house without shelling out a small fortune. Don’t get me wrong, we have a great 4 bedroom house with a pool on a nice piece of property, but we are always looking for more land, couple acres. Don’t even get me started on taxes and electric and water bill. $500 a month for electric and $450 quarterly for water. What the shit are these people thinking. I need a money tree!!!!! LOL!!