Gaga For Lulu

“Birfdee party in the park, yeeeah. We have a parrrtyyy!” goes The Babe.

Earth Day in the park would be what she was talking about. It was gorgeous out, 80 degrees and sunny! My sis and her two boys came with us. The Big Guy even went along for the flippin’ ride! To be honest, he only came because he was worried about me and my blood sugar shit that is going on.

Yeah, that blood sugar thing sucks my big ol’ butt. Up in the 300’s, then low in the 50’s. I feel like shat to be truthful. My body is tired and I have a constant headache. My stomach doesn’t know which way to go, out the mouth or out the butt. Unfortunately neither one is happening which just leads to an upset belly all god darn day.

Oh well, no good worrying about it, it won’t change a freakin’ thing. Hopefully lab results will be conclusive. Knowing my luck, they won’t and I will have to be poked and prodded. Oh hell!

The good thing it is the weekend so The Big Guy is here with me all day. It is funny how safe I feel with him. Not that he knows anything about diabetes or health related issues but I know he will take care of me. He has so many times before! Knee surgeries, eclamptic pregnancies, hemorrhaging, hysterectomies, blood transfusions, back surgery, and all kinds of other breakdowns. God bless that man. Not that I haven’t weathered some bull shit with him but that is a whole nother story. LOL!

My goal for the next day is to keep my blood sugar between 90 and 200. Isn’t it a load of shit that there has to be that much effort put into food and crap??? Gimme a break, but it could be worse. I don’t have to use insulin and I don’t need a pump and I am not going through chemotherapy and I don’t need dialysis and I don’t have lupus and……. So yes, I am complaining whoa is me but I realize it is not the end of the world. Just a little scary right now.

Now it is my turn….The Big Guy will ask me five questions, to which I will give my best educated, well thought-out freakin’ answers!

Here it goes…

1. Who is tops on your “5 celebrities list I get a free pass for” list now?

2. What is my most redeeming feature?

3. Why don’t you like movies? I mean, honestly. Normal people like to watch movies. Is your attention span that short?

4. If you have a choice of a last meal, what would it be?

5. What were you thinking when we bought our 3rd dog? I can’t stand the little f’er!

“He is such an asshole. I mean, come on, this is what he comes up with!” Here are the answer….

1. Oh boy, lemme think…I would have to say John Krasinski, that gangly, tall dorky m-f’er on the office. He is yummy in a weird, goofy way. But then again…Ron Livingston could come on over and….LOL!

2. Well, the one I can talk about in public? Haha. I would say your wit and charm. You are very empathetic also, very nice quality in a man.

3. You are a big fat puckering assholian!! I don’t like your stupid shitin’ movies jackass.

4. Salad with blue cheese dressing, french onion soup and an entire cheesecake. Oh yeah, and cherry coke zero to wash it down.

5. You are such a liar. First of all, you and the girls fell in love with the little shit and bought him. Second, you lay on the couch and in bed and rub his belly and cuddle with him, you big quack. Also, you love bragging about his junk, “Will you look at that little dogs wanger, I mean that is impressive, you know he takes after me!” Whatever Big Guy! Hee hee.

Well, did I answer with what he thought?

“You answered them like I thought, the first I knew, second yeah, third whatever, fourth uh huh and fifth, you are a liar!!”

And there you have it. By the way he couldn’t expand on his answers due to the fact that he was watching a very important movie, I mean groundbreaking, one of his faves, Bring It On. Uh huh, thats right, the cheerleading movie. Hahahahahheeheehehee. My hubby likes a cheerleading movie. Oh how I love that manly muscular tall handsome weenie! LOL.

Over the lunch table…

M3: “How do we get babies in our belly?”

Mommy: OMG, “What do you mean?”

M3: “When we are grown up and want babies, how are they put in there?”

The Babe: Pointing to her belly, “Grow in your belly, naaassstty!”

Mommy: Blank stare and disbelief, “Well, when you get bigger and ….

M3: “I mean, when daddy loved you and you wanted K, how did his love make a baby grow?”

Mommy: Smiling at her pureness and seriousness, “Daddy and Mommy loved each other very much, so we were able to create a baby inside my belly to love for always, that was Kaelyn, you and then Ali.”

The Babe: Smiling at me and putting her arms out for a hug, “I looovvee you my mommy and my daaaaaaddddeee too!”

Mommy: Thinking I escaped, “So when you get to be older and find someone that you love like…”

M3: “Duh, I know that mommy, but what inside of you catches daddies love and forms a baby? Is it there from when we are little and grows later when we are big?”

Mommy: Oh, how I wish The Big Guy was here, “Mommies have eggs inside us that grow when we fall in love, like I did with daddy, and they grow bigger to become a baby. The eggs are so little you can’t see them and they are there our whole lives till we find that special love, like your daddy! That is when they are allowed to grow into a pretty little girl, like you and your sisters, or a boy like your cousins.”

M3: Looking at me like she wants to ask more, “Oh, that is good, my eggs will fall in love one day and make babies too. Hear that Ali, you have eggs that will be a baby!”

The Babe: Making a funny face, “Nassstttyyy!”

Isn’t parenting fun? Where the hell is the guide for this shit? Let me know how you think I did with my answers. Be kind, remember, my blood sugar is all out of wack. LOL!!!!

“I faurrrted mommy”

“Uh huh, everyone farts”

“Ohhh, mommy your breath is naaasssstty, no talk now, brush teef”

Yup, that is what I woke up to. I felt like saying, “if you don’t like my breath, then go in your own freakin’ bed and sleep, you little….”. But I love that little boogie face, so I just smiled and tickled the hell out of her.

I need a little pick me up after my day yesterday. As some of you have deduced from my ramblings, I am a diabetic. Diet and exercise controlled, but none the less, I have to check my sugars daily and keep myself in check. Well, after lunchtime yesterday, I did not feel well and thought I was going to pass out. I mean, I felt like shit!

I checked my sugar, 540. Holy fuddruckers. I have never ever been high like that before. I always keep myself in the 80’s, with an occasional high of 130. But 540, oh it was scary! It took 5 hours for it to come below 300 and The Big Guy had to come home early due to my “fuzzy” head. I have a Dr’s appointment tomorrow AM. Sucks though, I couldn’t go to work today, I need to keep a close check on the blood sugar thing and can’t think when I get high like that. Thinking would be essential in that whole nursing thing. LOL!

So yeah, I am scared to eat anything. I did have a low carb, low sugar yogurt, all 80 calories of it and 2 carbs, and my sugar soared to 240. Well damn. Who the hell knows. I am educated in diabetes, teach my patients all the time and even write for a diabetic site, but I feel clueless.

It is so flippin’ scary when it is happening to you, you know? All I have to say is thank god I am medicated with the ol’ anxiety stuff, or I would be broken out in hives right now.

And The Babe and M3 are giving me a run for my money today. Oh, how I miss poopy paradise at times. And on top of everything my bleep bleepin’ bleep fingertips are so damn bruised from checking my sugar a thousand times over the last day. Ugh!

Is the weekend really freakin’ over? It flies by. This weekend was kinda hectic. The Big Guy was in golf tourney all day Saturday and then I had bridal dress shopping today with my BFF, yeah I said it, Robs and my sissies. In between we were trying, I said trying, to clean the house and look at potential homes since my jackass of a hubby is obsessed with house hunting! LOL.

Consensus on the whole house thing is we have to find something that totally wows us and blows us out of the water like a big whale fart. Yeah, that just isn’t really happening. Today, we did find one that backed to the Susquehanna River on a good amount of land and has a pretty sweet ass kitchen. We loaded The Tribe up in the caravanarama in the pissing rain and road up to have a look-see. It was sold! Those butt munches forgot to update the website. The Big Guy was all fired up, “I am going to go back in there and ask for gas money, unprofessional douche bags, how hard is it to update a site”. “Yeah, you do that, assholian dynamite!”

Dress shopping. Ahhh, the days. I remember looking for my dress and being all obsessed with every stupid little detail of that big ol’ day. Now looking back on it, I was so flippin’ stupid. Does all that shit even matter in the dig scheme of life? Hell no.

But I did have fun with my sissies and Robs. She found a gorgeous dress that she looked stunning in. Very excited for her!!! So the search for the bridesmaid dresses goes on. One dress, 7 different body types. That is asking for trouble, especially when biatches are involved. We can be so caddy. Ugh, why must we have hormones?

And we finally cleaned. Big accomplishment. The Big Guy is the best hubby some times. He helped me scrub and wipe and do all the fun shit that goes along with it. I miss having a cleaning lady, but it is $220 extra dollars in our pocket each month, which adds up. And my cleaning lady was a b-i-a-t-c-h!

So where are we now? Well, I just wrote for my diabetes site, thank the sweet lord. I found a good topic on genetic testing and risk factors, some good shiznit. The Big Guy and I are attempting to spend some time “together”, I think, if I remember what it is, but I keep writing on the computer and he is laying here watching Police Academy from like 1984 with one hand down his pants and the other on the clicker. What the hell? H-O-T!!! Haha!

The Big Guy: “You are the most beautiful, wonderful women. You make all my dreams come true.

Mommy: “Uh huh, go on!”

The Big Guy: “I think you are smokin’ hot and want to ravage your body”

Mommy: “I know, please stop already!!”

The Big Guy: “You make my life complete you hot piece of….”

…..So it is only a daydream, but I swear he has said all of those words at some time over the last year! Like, “the coffee is smokin’ hot” and “stop already, you are annoying the shit out of me”! Anywho reality is…

The Big Guy: “I love this episode of South Park”

Mommy: “Uh huh”

The Big Guy: “Damn that smells”

Mommy: “You are a sick biatch”

The Big Guy: (trying to shove my head under the stanky ass covers) “How’s that one for ya?”

Mommy: “Hahahaha…heeheeheee…gross mother….”

Love is so grand! And I have myself one hot smokin’ man. LOL!

…and I am too tired to even care!!!

Why was it 40 degrees today? What the hell? It was 80 degrees last week and now it is April and we are wearing bulky ass winter jackets. Oh well, I still took The Tribe to a local playground to meet some friends. I think my snot was honestly frozen to my face and my big ol’ ass was numb. They had fun though.

The Boss needed today. She has been having a rough time lately. She has been crying constantly. Before and After school. During dinner, getting dressed, doing homework, playing with her sisters. She has been exhausting all of our patience and energy. I feel like we are working so damn hard to make her smile and laugh. It really is’t fair to the other 2, but we are truly worried about The Boss.

The Big Guy and I have tried every tactic we know to get to the bottom of things. She just hasn’t been herself. We even had a conference with her teacher and got this freakin’ reply from the teacher, “K is a great student. She is my favorite this year. She is so smart, respectful, quiet and has all the friends in the world. She makes teaching fun and if I have a daughter, I want her to be just like K”.

We were dumb founded. I said a modest thank you and was even more frustrated and puzzled. The Boss cries every AM from what her clothes look like, to her glasses, shoelaces, book-bag and “ugly” eyes. I swear to god, if I ever find out who has made her feel like this at the age of 6, I will do some bodily harm.

We have examined our parenting style, even invited friends and family to critique us to make sure we were not in some way influencing K in a negative way. Oh, being a mommy and daddy is so damn hard sometimes. I wish I could just hug and kiss her and make everything better. I know it is how she perceives situations and verbalizations but she is only 6 years old. That scares me.

The Big Guy and I have each had recent “break downs” over the situation. Of course, not in front of The Boss or the younger 2, but it is really making us anxious, nervous and has left us feeling guilty in some way. As ya’all know I am on an antidepressant, but The Big Guy is as well (he is open with this like I, and knows I write about it, so relax! LOL). Did we “mess” her up in some way? Is it our god awful genetics that has done this to her? Why does she have to feel like this at 6 years old? It is not fair.

The Boss had a good day, only 2 episodes of inconsolable crying and we were able to calm her down within 45 minutes. Which is better than an hour and a half. But you never want to hear your child say she doesn’t like herself, or thinks she is ugly, kids don’t like her, and feels so sad and doesn’t know why. It just takes your heart and snaps it in freakin’ half!

I love those kids to death. as soon as you have the little snot noses, your heart is worn on the outside of your body and you feel every emotion that they do 10 fold. So yeah, she needed a good day with some old friends at the playground, even if it was so could our snot was freezing on our faces and the port a pot “liquid” was frozen. Flippin’ foul! LOL.

Wow, I really rambled on. I feel so damn worn out. And just one more question. Why the hell is the price of living in Maryland so damn high? I mean come on, you can’t get a decent 4 bedroom house without shelling out a small fortune. Don’t get me wrong, we have a great 4 bedroom house with a pool on a nice piece of property, but we are always looking for more land, couple acres. Don’t even get me started on taxes and electric and water bill. $500 a month for electric and $450 quarterly for water. What the shit are these people thinking. I need a money tree!!!!! LOL!!

Our Easter weekend in pictures. My best friend, “aunt Wobs” had a birthday, she turned 30. The Tribe made her a cake. It made for a late, but fun Friday night. The Big Guy took The Tribe to an Easter egg hunt at the country club on Saturday AM.

They had breakfast with the big ol’ bunny. By the way, The Boss told all the kids in line he wasn’t the real bunny, just a helper cause the real one was sooooo busy. Apparently some kids cried, I am happy I wasn’t there for that, I would have felt really bad, and probably peed myself from laughing so shittin’ hard. The Big Guy said he used some recovery skills and made things ok.

Then, as I rambled on above, Saturday was 12 hours in poopy paradise for me. It was an ok day, 1 died, (hospice patient)
but fun fellow nurses to work with.

You want to know the only flippin’ bad thing about working around death? You become a little numb to it. You learn to compartmentalize those feelings and think about it from a physiological point of view. Don’t get me wrong, I am still empathetic and show compassion, but it is forced at times. Oh well, comes with the job I guess!

So, we dyed eggs when I got home last night, had some fun family time and went to sleep. The Easter bunny forgot to do the baskets last night, so The Big Guy was up early this AM getting them set up. Kids found the baskets on the back deck, Easter bunny hopped the fence, haha.

The girls pigged out on freakin’ sugar and have been running around like maniacs. We don’t do a whole lot on Easter, we are going to visit with Mom Mom and Pop Pop for a late lunch, but otherwise lay low. We are all in the basement watching movies, of course they are the same ones we watch over and over…. The Big Guy has all 3 sitting on his lap, they loooovvve their daddy. It is so damn cute!

It is days like this when I feel bad for ever being a damn maniac and yelling at the kids. But you know what? Everyone loses it sometimes and if they say they don’t, they are lying!!! LOL. I think you just have to keep it real and know you are not perfect and we all earn form our own, as well as others mistakes.

So, I guess you all have learned a lot from reading about my crazy ass life! Hee hee hee.

Ok, we are going to have some fun with The Big Guy. Get your minds out of the gutter, not that kinda fun, that will come later. Bow chicka bow….focus Kendra. If you all could see the “I am so not into this you are annoying me, why can’t you ever leave me alone” face he is making right now, you would laugh your asses off. Why? Because I’m going to make him flippin’ play anyway.

“Fine I’ll play your silly game!” Thats all I need, so it’s on. You are about to find out how well The Big Guy and I know each other. Cripe, after 13 years and 3 kids, I hope we get something frickin’ right. LOL!

Me Quizzing Him:

1. What first attracted me to you? Hey, I was 6′6″, her imagination went crazy!

2. Where did we first kiss? In her apartment, on the sweet school-supplied couch, in front of her 13″ TV

3. What is my favorite part of your body? heh heh

4. What is my favorite quality that you possess? my wit :p

5. What makes me happiest in life? Being with family

6. What is my biggest fear? losing someone close

7. Who is my best friend? me! then robs

8. What is my dream vacation? Somewhere very warm on a beach

9. What is my goal in life? to raise a great family and be happy

10. If I had one wish, what would it be? liposuction, just kidding

Answers:

1. Whatever Big Guy, I would say it was eyes, sense of humor and mad kissing skillz!

2. He is right

3. He is one sick mother fuddrucker. I love his eyes!!!!

4. He is confident, self assured and funny as all shit

5. He is good. That is it to the tee.

6. Yes, something happening to my girls.

7. Yup.

8. Damn skippy.

9. He is so on it!

10. Asshole!!! That my kids are always happy and secure in life. (He likes my junk in the trunk, trust me, hee hee)

I guess I should reward him for playing nicely. Oh hell, let me gather strength. Maybe he will settle for a foot rub, but I can see it in his “come and get me” eyes, he thinks he is getting something special. It has been a couple of months, I am afraid my number is up. Shit!!!!! LOL.

Oh ,the Joys sent me this list of questions. I did offer in a round about way. Hell I’m not skerd. If anyone is game for a little trivia of their own let me know! I can cook up some good ones.

By the way, check out Oh, the Joys, she is freakin’ hilarious. I sometimes dribble while reading, hey don’t laugh, 3 kids and a hysterectomy will do that to you! LOL.

Here it goes:

How did you meet your significant other and when did you know he/she was THE
ONE?
In college, I was a sophomore and The Big Guy was a lowly ol’ freshman. We both played division 1 ball in college, so I first laid eyes on him when he was drunk and stoned at his baseball initiation. I thought he was disgusting!!! Following fall, we were in some classes together, he cheated off me, we became best friends over a couple of months and va va va voom, realized there was more than friendship. I knew the second we became, how do you say, romantic. The Big Guy was my best friend, knew me inside and out, and could rock my world. Doesn’t get much better!!!

How would you characterize the person you were in high school? In college?

I was unsure of myself in high school. I was an athlete, had many friends, popular, but never really felt like I belonged to one specific crowd. I guess I just hadn’t come in to my own yet. Oh boy, college, I was definitely sure of myself. We had too much fun, I was a very happy go lucky type of person, much less anxious than I am now, but still compulsive about things. We had the cleanest college house of anyone around. Very liked, without giving it much thought.

Tell us about a time in your life when you felt ashamed.

Ooh, tough one. I am going to very honest here. Please don’t judge. After the mess with The Babe, you know hospital for 30 something days, a hell of a lot of surgery and blood transfusions, near death experience, I was hooked on pain pills. It lasted a few months, but I realized 1 day that I wasn’t taking them to do away with pain, but to forget what had just happened and numb myself. I will never forget sitting down with The Big Guy and asking him to help me, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I thought I was stronger than that. He helped me get through it, I love that man!!

If you could ask a genie to grant you three wishes, what would your wishes be?
(Wishing for more wishes is not allowed.)

1. My kids to be healthy

2. My family to have much happiness

3. Give me the strength I need to get through whatever lies in the flippin’ future.

Do you contest that the National Park Ranger Uniform is the sexiest uniform
there is and, if so, what uniform would, in your opinion, trump that of the
Park Ranger?

Haha. I think a UPS uniform, brown baby, brown. He could ring my bell and deliver his package, hee hee. Or construction, those jeans, with the jacket and hat, yee ha! Something about a man that isn’t afraid to get dirty.