Gaga For Lulu

More than a couple of questions popped in my crazy ass head this morning. Where to start, oh boy, oh boy , oh boy!

1. It is the first day of The Tribe’s spring break, so why the hell were they up by 6 AM?

2. Why am I so tired lately? (I am convinced it’s the medicine, but we won’t go there!)

3. Why doesn’t The Big Guy sleep anymore? (I am worried about him, he usually hibernates)

4. Why are the ol’ taters aching so bad? Did I not have the hysterectomy?

5. What is that smell in the fridge?

6. Why is The Boss acting like a pre pubescent tween right now?

7. What is a thirty something old mom suppose to wear? (The mom section sucks, but the teeny bopper section looks like you belong swinging on a pole for dollar bills)

8. Will The Big Guy be able to give me a repeat performance of Saturday night? (I’m praying for this one!!!!! LOL)

So there you have it. My head is all over the place. I am like a flippin’ bouncy ball. Ping, ping, booing! If only my physical self had this much energy!

I do have some exciting news though, the Babblz.com site that the hubs and I started is a third of the way to our target number. Remember, for every 75 names that register, we will give away a smelly nice basket. You even get your choice of flavors! We appreciate everyones support so far, we look forward to getting Babblz.com off the ground.

The Big Guy and I actually went out last night, just us, no kids, in a car, not a minivan! We met with some fellow bloggers that live in our area. Who had a better time? I would say The Big Guy. He got to conversate about advertising, marketing strategies and IT bullshit that I only get 50% of the time.

I finally got to meet Aaron Brazell, technology manager for b5 media, and his wife Nicole. Enjoyed their company. It is always nice when you meet easy going, self assured people. You know, the kind that actually conversate and have something worth while to say. It makes everything so much flippin’ easier!

We also met Greg Gershman from Blogdigger. Nice guy! Listening to them talk, I realized I actually do get this whole blog marketing thing. It is always refreshing to learn new concepts and explore different avenues. It keeps your thinking skills going, you know?

I am definitely out of my comfort zone with some of ths stuff, but that is good. At least that is what The Big Guy says. But what the hell does he know? Haha.

Getting back to last night, it was cool to get out but OMG 12 o’clock is just too late anymore. I know, what a wuss. I’ll admit it, I can’t hang anymore, unless I am working all night (but that is different). I was so piss ass tired driving home. The Big Guy was babbling away in the co-pilot position for the entire drive. He had 5 beers and doesn’t really drink all that much anymore, so he had an earful of nothing to chit chat about. I have no damn clue what he was talking about, I just nodded my head and said, “uhh huh, I know” every few minutes.

Of course, as you can speculate, 5 beers, going out on a “date” and being all geeked up on the IT conversations, he was in a bow chicka bow bow kind of mood. Thats right 12:30 AM and I am expected to perform. Holy shit, I had to pull my energies together and rock his world. LOL!!!!! Anywho 45 minutes later (woo hoo!), we were ready for bed.

So yeah, good night. Got to meet some new people, hang out with my baby and got lucky. It doesn’t get much better! Haha.

Let me start by saying I do not think this is going to be a very good day. The Tribe was up at 5 AM, 2 hours too early, and The Big Guy is in a mood from hell. Not to mention that if I did still get good ol’ flow, I would have her right now (yes, I am one of these ever so lucky women who still “feels” like I get a period after a total hysterectomy, yeah!).

We have an easter egg hunt, only the 18th one this week, that should be balls of fun with these 3 today. I am sure The Big Guy will not attend, he is a little anxious and stressed this AM.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. It could be the very long week. Final option, big ass lack of sex. Yeah, I said it. Ms. Let’s Get It On has lost her mojo. I suppose the medicine has something to do with this.

I’m in a pickle, be anxiety free but have no sex drive, or be crazy stressed while lovin’ on The Big Guy. Unfortunately, I think the mental health thing wins!

Like I mentioned above, I am a bit hormonal this AM. A little over the top, and can’t exactly call on Mr. Shitty Yell A’ Lot for assistance. So this is how our last flippin’ conversation went:

(while we are both on separate computers reading through emails and sharing what we discover)

Mommy: “You know what I notice about all the very successful entrepreneur’s in the IT field?”

The Big Guy: “Yes, I know what you are going to say but go ahead. (with a smirk on his face)”

Mommy: “None of then were married to at least 35, or aren’t married at all. They don’t have kids for the most part either. I guess you have to choose!”

The Big Guy: “I have thought about writing on this for a while now, I agree. To be successful as an entrepreneur, you can’t have those worries.”

Mommy: (with tears in her eyes, I told you I was hormonal) “Hmmm, yeah.”

I feel guilty to a certain extent. Am I the reason he is a “family guy”? Did I hold him back? Would he have been able to accomplish more without me and the kids? Would he be happier in life being a successful IT entrepreneur? Who knows what would have come even without me, but I do know being married in your mid 20’s and having kids in your late 20’s adds a big list of “have to’s”.

He had to make a certain amount of money. He had to work 9-6 business hours, if he wanted to see his kids. He had to put many dreams on hold. Basically, he had to grow up.

Maybe it is just the mood I am in, but I wish that we had the resources for The Big Guy to do what he has a true passion for. Believe me, it is not the IT project manager job that he ever so faithfully reports to everyday to pay the bills!! LOL.

He is a good man and I know he would never say any of this out loud. He has never even hinted at any of these frickin’ thoughts, but after 13 years I know him too damn well. I hope that one day I can provide the stability for our family and he can venture out to test his talents and dreams to their fullest. Until then, I will just stomach these feelings of guilt.

So it went something like this:

Bow chicka bow bow, “together” time on the horizon!

The moves are being made, the lights are dimmed, music is on (ok, I am lying about all that but you get the fliipin’ idea) and all systems a go.

The Big Guy: “I hear feet” pitter pat coming down the hallway.
Mommy: “Are you kidding me?”
The Big Guy: “Hi Ali!!!”
The Babe: “Hi Daddy, me no like my bed, sleep here” as she jumps right on up between us.
Mommy: “I guess I will sleep in her damn bed. Ali, will you move over a bit or should I go to your bed?”
The Babe: “Night Mommy, me sleep with daaaddeee!”

The Big Guy and I give each other a smile and a fist bump. Well shit, I guess it will happen at some point. But come on, give me a frickin’ break!

Ok, so it was a pretty normal night. We were waiting for the tribe to fall asleep, and the Big Guy and I were working on getting the slide show together for the last post. Well, he decided to open Internet Explorer to view the site. What do you know? The damn site didn’t load right. Why didn’t you Internet Explorer users tell me? It looked like shit!

I set him off on a mission to fix this right away. And this is what he came up with. It’s still a work in progress, but so far I guess I like it. What do you think?

What a jackass!

Turn up the sound and enjoy some pictures and a podcast from a nice Spring day in Maryland. Sometimes, life is flippin’ sweet!

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I am fired up!!!! Pissed as shit. Right here in Maryland today, a child sex abuser that admitted to molesting his daughter for 7 years was sentenced to, ready for this, 4 months. How sick is this world?

The man will also be able to return to his home after his big frickin’ sentence, which means that poor little girl will get to live with this mother fuddrucker again. I am so sick of seeing this kind of punishment. You know what, why don’t we tie his ass up and stick something way up his keaster as he screams no, no, no. Let’s see how he likes it, and then pretend we are deaf when he cries out for help.

So sorry if my rage is offensive to anyone, but the thought of any child being treated like this makes me see red. I am also getting an earful from The Big Guy while I write this. I swear, he would go to jail if anyone ever touched any of our girls. He is throwing 4 letter words around right and left, apparently we are moving out of Maryland due to this.

He is so damn cute sometimes, especially when he is all, “Nobody messes with my girls or wife. You guys mean everything to me”. What a good man!

Here is a link to the article:Capital Online

DoggyMama wrote a funny post about search terms used by readers to stumble upon her site. Flippin’ funny! The Big Guy and I always have a good laugh when we index our site stats to see what was searched to reach my Gaga site. Yes, this is considered our smokin’ hot foreplay. LOL.

First of all, before I write the list, I need to share with you this very big secret, Kendra James is a porn star. To bad that aint me! Yes, I share a name with a very lovely, wholesome, young nasty ass girl who is featured in many XXX films.

Kendra James is apparently a popular name though, many searches for it. There was also a famous police brutality case in California a few years back. The unfortunate girls name was, yes you guessed it, Kendra James. Again, obviously not me, but very busy on the search engines.

Now on to Gaga for Lulu. Damn, even I cringed at some of the search terms. What in the hell do I write about? My kids will think I am more than crazy one day when they peruse through my babbling and rants of what I call writing!

Here we go:

1. penish medicine- I suggest you sterilize with alcohol and put that thing away for a while!

2. redheads and sex- Yes, redheads do everything better and yes, the carpet matches the drapes! Hahaha.

3. MILF- The Big Guy thinks so. Haven’t taken a poll lately, I will get back to you.

4. big butt chest explode- Big butt, check. Chest explode, nope. I have no flippin’ clue what the hell this person was looking for. But I would venture to guess some very wrong pictures. LOL.

5. little nappie girl models- Sick mother fuddrucker!!!!

6. baby has red hair, does it change- What is wrong with a little carrot top?

7. pee nighties- ????

8. belly hurts when going poop- Well then, my advice is, push it on out. Have yourself a good one. I could give you The Big Guy’s number to offer some strategies!

9. did lulu get a nose job?- I don’t know. Does she need one?

10. pee accidents in the car- Not since I was 19 and inebriated out of my mind. I might have eatin’ some mushrooms that went bad that night also. Oh hell, those were the days. We had so much flippin’ fun. (don’t judge, life is short, I am a good girl now though)

11. pabst smir- Not my favorite activity or beer.

and 12. hot moms in keds- No, I don’t own a pair, but I am one hot smokin’ fine ass mamma who likes a little lovin’. Haha.

Last week I shared with you my boo hoo story about my doctors visit. The one where I started a new medicine for anxiety. Effexor to be exact. I have been totally flippin’ Effexorized. OMG, I am so much calmer. No more chest pains or crazy maniac yelling fits.

Thank the sweet pink mother of pearl. M3 even looked at me tonight and said, “Mommy, I like you today, you haven’t been yelling and you let us do more fun stuff. I love you, you are a cool Mommy”. Ugh, I guess I was a little too stressed out if even the kids noticed!

The Big Guy and I took The Babe and M3 to Target this afternoon. By the way, he expressed his gripes about the trip on his site. Funny, we write about the same topics but with a different take on the situations. Well damn, I hope we are not morphing into one person, I find that so annoying. The couples that finish each others sentences and dress alike. Annoying!!

I wander in my own head sometimes, focus Kendra. Target. As I was sipping on my sodas and perusing the spring clothes, I realized I have become THAT type of Mommy. The one that lets her kids run up and down the aisle and hide in the middle of the clothing racks. The one that just doesn’t seem to frickin’ care if the kids are speaking in a playground voice or singing out of tune loud enough for the man buying hearing aid batteries to turn in my direction. Oh hell, what has come of me?

I will tell you, Effexor. It is great for my anxiety and OCD, not a real diagnosis, just a hunch, but not so great for my giving a shit. My house was totally trashed this afternoon by The Tribe. I couldn’t walk without stepping over something. The Babe emptied every piece of her wardrobe on to the flippin’ floor and I just smiled and took a picture of her very inappropriate dress up outfit. The Boss broke 2 bracelets and the beads bounced all over the very dusty and dirty wood floors.

I am in a pickle! I feel so damn good right now, but am worried I am a little too chill. I know the medicine will level out in the next few weeks, but until then, I just don’t give a big ol’ flying shiznit about a damn thing.

Where is Scooby Doo when you need him? This is a mystery. Who invaded my body and stole my crazy, maniac ass, fly of the handle, obsessive, always in control and forever neat brain?

I have decided to try to enjoy the ride. I will surrender to the sweet serotonin and norepinephrine that is being regulated in my brain. I will take that little grey and pink pill every morning with hopes of continuing my streak of happy go lucky mommying. I will stop worrying about something that has made a positive damn difference in my life. I will just let it be for a while, something I haven’t done in a long ding dang time!

I’d like to dedicate this song to all my fellow mommy bloggers:

Why is The Big Guy so damn difficult at times? All I want is some cooperation, but no, he has to push the envelope and irritate the flippin’ shiznit out of me. I wonder where M3 gets it from? Men are just a different breed sometimes. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death, but come the hell on!

Why does an AM crap take 40 minutes? Mind you, that is with the shower running the whole time, and laptop in tow, so I have no hot water and have to Lysol the keyboard. Yeah thats right, he is gross. And why is his only morning responsibility to shit, shower and shave? Honestly!

This leads me to his lunch time escapades, which are about 90 minutes long at whatever restaurant he wants, all by himself, in total silence. Hell, he can even take a pee afterwards if he wants. And then I get a whiny ass phone call or email, or even twitter message, yes he is now twittering me, that he has to attend a 3 hour meeting. Boo hoo!!!

I would love to say, “I really don’t give a flying wet poo”, but I play along and say my I love you with as minimal complaining as possible. We have to keep The Big Guy happy. If he is happy, we are happy!

5 PM and I am at my wits end, the kids have usually taken control of the house and I am looking out the front door for that maroon ass Saab to come around the corner. Now, why have I not learned my lesson? He comes in, I get exited to see him, and I get “I will be right down, I’m gonna go to the bathroom”. “Oh, I ‘m sorry, I guess your 2 shits and hours of silence wasn’t enough for you, jackass?” I know that is not totally fair, he makes the bulk of our income, but damn it, I want a turn in the bathroom without a critique of my pubs, hysterectomy scar or smelly doo.

Dinner is served. I hear, “I had a big lunch, I’m not that hungry.” I am seeing red by now. Why do I even make dinner? Next week they are all getting ding dang hot dogs and macaroni.

I can’t complain too much about dishes or bathtime because he does help with that. I would assume that is why after bathtime he heads back to the bathroom and gets on the computer oblivious to night time routine and The Tribe’s fury running around the bedrooms. Is he hearing impaired? Or just stupid? And what the hell is wrong with his flippin’ ass? How many poops can one man take?

Get the hell up and help! “I am not your Mommy, if you want that go live on Roger’s Street. I don’t want to have to tell you, just do it.” Lost cause, but I still repeat it at least 4 times a week.

Now I feel kinda bad shittin’ all over My Big Guy as I look at him laying next to me in bed, all cute flipping in between NCAA b-ball and figure skating, hee hee. His hair is all cut and he shaved a new goatee, smells kinda good, well sorta good. Oh boy, I can feel my anger receding and my stupid self is getting all lovey dovey. Yeah, it’s on, chicka chicka bow bow, LOL!!!!